Our Unique Christmas

   This year we did something we have never done before for Christmas. It turned into something of an adventure. Not likely to become a tradition. :)
   We had not finished purchasing gifts for our immediate family prior to Christmas day and, in the spirit of fairness, could not do our exchange until we had. In a rare turn of events, R was actually able to take the day off yesterday and join the rest of us for a marathon shopping trip. Being a get-what-you-want-and-get-out kind of shopper, this was a bit uncharacteristic for us to do so much browsing.
   We decided instead of doing our traditional mom-slaves-in-the-kitchen-all-day kind of Christmas dinner, we would go shopping, then go out to eat for our Christmas dinner, and finally conclude with our gift exchange when we get home.
   Besides Christmas shopping, there were multiple gift cards to be spent, too. A & I happily mopped up on specials at Bath & Body Works... browsed the purses, sweaters and more at several stores, strolled through craft stores, etc. while the men went to more masculine stores.
   All was going according to plan until about 5pm when we decided we're ready to eat. We had chosen to try out a restaurant we had never experienced before. There was a 50 minute wait, which the children were not too thrilled about, so I took them to the bookstore across the way while R waited on premises. When we returned to the restaurant, R was not in the crowd of folks waiting for a table nor did he answer his phone. Turns out he had accidentally left his phone in the van so I had to wander about the restaurant until I located where he had been seated.
   The food was good, but the longer we sat there, the slower the service became. Our waitress was rather prone to disappearing into the kitchen for 15-20 minutes at a time while I panted for water (was that red pepper on my chicken Alfredo?!) The tables surrounding us were experiencing similar service; we took to sharing ketchup bottles and A1 steak sauce.
   We finished eating at 7pm. A request for a take-out box took 15 minutes to fulfil. The check did not appear automatically and took another 15 minutes for delivery. After the waitress disappeared with our credit card, we exclaimed that our bill was lower than expected -until a closer look revealed it was NOT our bill. Our poor waitress said her manager will have to take care of the issue. A very lengthy pause ensued. Eventually someone showed up to inform us there was a computer glitch and they were trying to "find" us in the system. The wrong [cheaper] bill was removed from our credit card and our card returned; we were apologized to and told we would be taken care of momentarily. How long is a moment? The clock kept ticking while they "found" us in their system and eventually presented us with the correct bill.
   By this point we were a bit incredulous that they didn't comp at least some of our bill for our "pain & suffering". Did I mention that they had meanwhile cranked up the heat and it was blowing lustily under our table? The manager asked if he can do anything else for us, so we asked for a break on the bill. More time passed before he returned with a new bill minus the cost of the most expensive meal. Being both non-resistant and weary of the atmosphere, we accepted that bill and once more handed over our credit card. At last we're just about free! En route to the kitchen, another diner stopped the manager and had a little chat with him. (Putting in a plug for us??) We waited & waited... how long can it take to swipe a credit card? Being familiar with the manager by this time, we noticed him in a huddle taking place in the kitchen. Finally, 1 hour & 15 min. later, we were told our entire bill was 'on the house' and we were free to leave. We departed with haste and later regretted that we didn't at least leave a small tip for the waitress.
   First impressions? Um, none of us are very eager to return to that restaurant. The food was good. Definitely. There might be a good explanation behind the waitress' slow service; we all have bad days. We appreciate the free meal. But I think we'd prefer to pay and be on our merry way sooner.
   We wrapped up our shopping in due time and arrived home later than anticipated. But with no grumpy preschoolers and no school this week, why not party late? I don't think we ever exchanged gifts at 11pm before. JR got a new Bible and a Flight Simulator computer game, JS got softball cleats and a flash drive for his trail camera pictures, and A got an Old Navy denim jacket, brown sweater, crayons, and mirrored wall words- "Live, Laugh, Love". The plan is for R to be getting coveralls (we do 'practical' pretty well at our house) and I will be getting the starter set of the Willow Tree nativity. It was a fun day ...even if we don't care to repeat it any time soon.
   Our next adventure coming up is having the youth over on New Years Eve for an all-nighter. Life is good!            

Quote of the Day

The other evening we were having a discussion on the stresses of one's occupation at this time of year i.e. holidays and/or wintery weather. R was regaling us with the perils of maneuvering a semi in farm lanes where the owner does not grasp the importance of clearing the driveway of snow. It seems to be particularly problematic for those of the religious sects that use horse-drawn transportation. They often fail to grasp the importance of clearing the snow, and that semis require more than a buggy path to maneuver into position for unloading.  Referring to inadequate plowing, someone quipped "I told the horse to drag his feet." That bit of humor made my day!

19 and counting...

Today marks 19 years of marriage for us. We are blessed to still be living out our vows. 'Tis a comfortable stage of life. Past the newlywed adjustments, past the busy days with little people under foot constantly (oh, I'm still busy -just not wiping noses, answering a thousand questions and kissing scraped knees), past the struggle to get established financially... and yet still having our family here under one roof.

Nothing special planned for today. I would love to take the day off but it doesn't appear wise in light of the piles of work staring at me. Probably eat by candlelight this evening. We have reservations made for Friday evening at the Grande Suite of a hotel, at which time we will go out to a nice restaurant.

In honor of the occasion, I have selected 19 items from our He says/She says list- 

1. I like coffee. Black. / I enjoy the smell of coffee but only drink the watered down stuff (iced coffee or cappuccino)
2. My best time of day is morning. / I get on a roll about suppertime and go to bed whenever I get done [relatively speaking; a woman's work is never really done], usually between 10 or 11 pm.
3. I prefer vanilla. / Make mine chocolate. (If we're talking candy, make mine dark chocolate!)
4. I brush my teeth with warm water; it's refreshing. / Yuck! I brush with cold water because it's refreshing.
5. I like watermelon (& muskmelon). / If I want water I'll drink it, not eat it.
6. I would take the bank's word for it if my checkbook doesn't balance. / No way. It has to come out to the penny every time.
7. Why can't she remember a simple thing like how to retrieve voicemail? / Why can't he figure out a simple thing like how to order flowers online?
8. My eyesight is better than 20/20 but my hearing is selective. / I'm blind as a bat without my glasses but my hearing is sharp.
9. I untie the laces to take my shoes off. / I kick my shoes off still tied -saves time.
10. When I pack a suitcase, I always take an extra set of clothes. / I only take what I really need.
11. My family always ate applesauce as a side dish with the main course. / My family always ate it as a dessert with cake (or on pancakes).
12. I can find my way around by instinct. / I print out directions from MapQuest.
13. I could care less which way the toilet paper comes off the roll- I know she cares but I never remember which way. / T.P. must come off the roll from the top.
14. I like eggs for breakfast. Cereal just doesn't cut it- I'd rather go without. / Eggs nauseate me in the morning. I always eat cold cereal.
15. I pick a steakhouse to celebrate special occasions. / I pick Red Lobster. 
16. I'm doing good to read a book once. / I re-read my favorite books periodically. 
17. Reading in bed makes me fall asleep in 2 minutes. / Love reading in bed! I can stay awake half the night reading if it's a good book. 
18. 'Sleeping in' is staying in bed till 7 am, and staying up late is anything after 9 pm. / 'Sleeping in' is staying in bed till 9:30 am, staying up late is after 11 pm.
19. When I'm sick I don't mind being fussed over. / When I'm sick I want everybody to just leave me alone so I can sleep it off.

It's a wonderful life! We see these things as teaching our children there are options in life (like mayo v. Miracle Whip), rather than disagreements.

Conflict

We've all had moments when we've made a *brilliant* discovery in a "Duh" kind of way. And it just amazes you so much that you want to share it even though it doesn't impress other people the way it does you. I had one of those moments on Friday.

It occurred to me that this week will mark the milestone of having lived in my current location as long as I did in the state where I was born & raised. 19 years in [state], 1 year of VS in [state] and now 19 years in [state]. Wow! But that's not the brilliant part. It only goes to show I've reached the vicinity of middle age. 

It's human nature to morph to fit your culture. We tend to start thinking & acting like the people we're around. I know I have changed, apart from maturing. When I moved to this state as a young bride, it was like a whole new culture I had to figure out (To my family- think 'shucks' here) and I didn't always do so well. For something like the first 10 years I still referred to [state] as 'home' i.e. we're going home, and I would have moved back if anything had happened to my husband. In the last decade or so,  it's [state], not 'home', and if I were to lose my husband I believe I would stay here where my support system is. I feel like a stranger in my former church. There is virtually no one from my youth group remaining there; it's my mom's peers who talk to me when we visit there. I consider myself to be [church affiliation] with only faint traces of [church affiliation] remaining in me.

I view the world from my perspective, which is shaped by my experiences in life. I have trouble thinking outside the box... to see an issue from the opposing viewpoint. Particularly in advance. Which would save me from the nasty business of tasting my socks when my foot ends up in my mouth! Is it just me that's really bad at this?

So my brilliant ?? discovery was that I was caught in a clash between 2 cultures in terms of how one should deal with conflict. On one hand was the philosophy of "Drop the subject" ...while on the other hand was a philosophy that has more to do with wading through messy issues instead of running from conflict. I was failing to match the culture with the response familiar to that culture.

I have this theory that virtually all conflicts are the result of misunderstandings. Communication is so key to relationships. And in our age of technology, with more people communicating electronically, it's easier to be misunderstood. (Can someone invent email with body language & tone of voice for those of us who are writers more than phone-talkers?) Look at it this way- why aren't my friends and/or spouse offending me on a regular basis? Friends can offer constructive criticism and I accept it. Why? Because they stuck around long enough to get to know me. Really know me. I know where they're coming from so I know how to take what they say. When it's good natured ribbing so I should laugh along. When it's concern for me because I'm off track & plainly need some sense knocked into my head. 

When I think of interpersonal relationships, I often have to think of something a relative said on the subject. It went something like this- A friend can walk across the room with a plate of food in their hand, trip and dump their entire thing into your lap. You sympathize, assuring them it's OK, it could happen to anyone, no big deal. Meanwhile someone you don't like very well can be sitting across the room eating and just the way they hold their spoon bugs you. :) Are you laughing? I've been told we laugh when we identify with something. Transparency here- I'm laughing. But never fear- hold your spoon however you wish. If you're reading this, you're more likely to be numbered among my friends who could dump a plate into my lap.

With someone I don't know very well, it's not too difficult to get hurt by something they said or did. So I withdraw. They perceive me as snobby and withdraw in return. It's all a misunderstanding. And a vicious cycle. It's difficult to build a relationship with one we don't trust. Ah, but extra rewarding when we make the effort to extend grace and discover he/she isn't so different from me after all and is really a very nice person. Ah, but scary as well because we have no assurance that any acceptance of the grace will be extended our way.

The purpose of this post is not to air laundry. Don't imagine yourself into my words. I've been pondering this subject because it touches several situations that affect my life currently. I am looking to educate myself- to broaden my understanding of other perspectives on life. Do you have a story to share? When have you been hurt by a careless, insensitive remark? Was it ever resolved and what did it take to accomplish that? I want to be more sensitive to people's feelings. I want to be more Christ-like... a more accurate reflection of Him. I want to understand and be understood.
I guess where I'm coming from on this is we are prone to hurting others simply because we don't know. We don't know what they are feeling. What they've experienced/are experiencing that makes them vulnerable. I can say rude things that stab my acquantances who deal with infertility because I don't know what that feels like. I've never lived down the regret of demo-ing a Mother's Day card [when I was doing stamping parties] for a hostess who had recently lost her mother. Ouch! Nor do I know what feels hurtful to a single person in a world of married people. I have been stabbed myself many times by words and actions of the many who do not know what it feels like to parent a disabled child. We can't be all things to all people, but I would sure like to develop the character of being a thoughtful, caring person sometime before I die.    

The Hunter & the Hunted

Disclaimer: If you're not into deer hunting stories, don't bother to read this post. It's all about JS's filmed hunt.

Back in June, JS won a professionally filmed whitetail deer hunt. We were shocked & delighted. I don't expect we'll ever be able to afford such a luxury. We scheduled the date and I made a camo dress to wear. (It seems I am hooked on accompanying the hunter, thus it is prudent to acquire more feminine attire to wear in fields dominated by men, particularly when I was in danger of appearing on camera.) JS counted the weeks, then days. Finally on Friday the big day arrived!

With the school benefit auction on Saturday, on one hand, it felt like very bad timing. It was such a crazy busy week with doing extra baking and making food for the sale, and trying to make up some gift baskets when I am hopelessly inept at arranging baskets. And having to have all this, along with the regular housework, completed by Thursday. Oh, and throw in a youth committee meeting just to keep things interesting. But, on the other hand, when am I more in need of a day off? Lovely, soul-reviving hours of rest & silence!  

Not being a morning person, the alarm goes off way too soon on hunting days. Somehow it always takes us longer to get bundled up in our gear than we anticipate, so we were running 10 minutes late meeting Mr. W. We opted to go with him to his hunting spots vs. ours. We traveled rural roads I had never been on and hiked totally foreign terrain in the dark with the aid of only a cell phone for light. It was not in the forecast to rain, and reportedly did not rain at our house, but it sprinkled where we were for almost 2 hours. Thanks to my camo dress made of heavy twill, I did not get hung up in the briers a single time or get the slightest bit damp.

Now finding a comfortable place to sit still for hours at a time is always the first challenge. I cannot sit without support for my back. The options are invariable covered with dry leaves that crunch loudly every time you shift your weight. Given the choice of a blind, complete with comfy chair for mom, or a brush pile on the hillside, JS chose the brush pile -with the better potential of seeing a buck. (I don't blame him, and it's part of the experience for me.) The suggested log just wasn't going to cut it, so I scooted down between 2 logs where I would have back support. I was well hidden, out of the way, and fairly comfortable, but my back was to all the action as it turned out.

The first action JS saw was a buck. I could hear, but not see it. It came in to 15 yds. Mr. W had been emphatic about JS waiting to take a shot until he gives the signal. After this episode, he said he was waiting & waiting for the arrow to come into the camera frame but it just never came. JS chose not to take the shot for several reasons- some brush in the way, and it was an unimpressive 4 point rack. In reviewing the footage later, we did notice it was a unique deer in that it had a white face.

We settled back to wait some more. After some time passed, I heard the stomping & blowing of multiple deer quite close by, but again could not see what was happening. I twisted around to see JS draw back, but he did not take the shot this time either. For safety reasons -camera man was in front of him. It was 3 does, including a large dominant that JS would have been happy with. At 10 yds. Mr. W got some great footage before they ran off.

In my experience, there seem to be 2 'handicaps' females experience to a greater degree than males during hunting trips. One is stamina to bear the freezing temperatures, and the other is what to do with a full bladder. The former having some bearing upon the later. Having forgotten gloves, my fingers were getting cold, but the other was on the forefront of my consciousness after 4+ hours. Just when I thought I'd have to embarrass myself by bringing my plight to the males' attention, Mr. W decided I looked cold and it was time to head in. He hunts with his wife frequently, so it was probably his polite way of addressing the issue.

After eating lunch, we went to Mr. W's house to see his trophy mounts, see the morning's footage and warm up. The farm we hunted in the morning was not available in the afternoon, so Mr. W called another of his many contacts and got permission to hunt another property. We are told his hunting skill is legendary in the area -to the extent that he has to hide his vehicle so his rivals can't figure out where he hunts. Not unlike our BIL's secret mushroom hunting spots.

Upon arrival, Mr. W's comment was "It may not look like much, but I've seen world-class bucks in this woods." He sprinkled attractants and made a scrape. We were closer to the highway & traffic noise, so he warned JS that whatever happens will happen without warning as we probably won't hear them coming. We actually had quite comfortable seating and it wasn't as cold, but we waited & waited... and waited... and waited. We saw absolutely no action. Not a thing. Well, ok, he did get some footage of a squirrel. At dusk, he decided we would try creeping out of the woods to see if there was anything in the field or at the edge of the woods. We didn't see anything, but a neighbor driving by stopped to tell us we drove 2 small doe out.

So 'the big hunt' ended with the tag unfilled. However, JS & I have this philosophy- a successful hunt is one on which you get out and enjoy nature, regardless of whether you bag any wildlife or not. Thus we consider it a successful day. Unfortunately, since JS didn't shoot & recover anything, the footage will not be used by Xtreme Outdoors. Mr. W will burn the footage onto a disk for us that we can keep to remember the experience by. We prayed much about this hunt, so I feel certain it turned out the way it was supposed to. I'm proud of my son for putting safety ahead of harvest, and for passing up an unimpressive rack in hopes of better results later. And I hope when he does finally bag a big one that I'm there with camera rolling!

On Being Tourists

R & I spent a very enjoyable weekend in Lancaster. Something of a birthday celebration. JS & A stayed at home with Aunt W; JR went along and stayed at Uncle D's. T'was a peaceful drive with only 1 of 'em along, and the fall leaves made nice scenery. Last week I was miserable with a flu bug, but thanks to the miracle of Emergen-C, I was feeling much better by the weekend.
Way back in March we booked tickets for Joesph at Sight & Sound. Never been there before in my life. Quite a place! Impressive crowd control. Loved the show's emphasis on forgiveness. Enjoyed the simple jailer character with the funny laugh. Stayed overnight at the B&B run by a Hillcrest alumnus. Brief reconnection. Attended church and had lunch with a long-time friend. Way back when we were 8 & 9, she lived in one state and I lived in another, we were pen pals; now she lives in my state and I live in hers and we're old & wise mothers of children. haha We haven't seen one another very often over the years, so it was a delightful visit. Thank you, D!   

Turning 70

From what I've seen, milestone birthdays aren't that bad. I've been to some mighty fine parties for milestones. This weekend was one of those times. I hope when I reach 70, I am in as good of health as my father-in-law and that my family throws as big of a party for me!

Since food is very important to my in-laws, 'yours truly' spent the entire week in the kitchen making food. In all fairness, I must point out that I was making food for events besides the party -when it rains, it pours was certainly true last week.

The festivities began Friday evening with a finger foods buffet. To simplify our family's contribution, we stuck with one thing- the chocolate fountain and fresh fruit. It was something of a bust, as the heater in the fountain seems to have given out and the chocolate wouldn't flow. Fountain morphs into fondue pot.

There was a big push to get all the work finished Saturday because our electric company had given us a warning that the electric was expected to be off for scheduled repairs from 8-5 Sunday. Of all weekends! Virtually everyone got pressed into service Saturday morning. There was poor man's steak to mix & grill, bathrooms to clean, floors to mop and cheesecakes to slice & garnish. That last one concerned me most. I think cheesecakes tend to look better before they're cut but these had to be both sliced and neat enough to be displayed on a bridal shower buffet table. R & I arrived a little late for brunch, and I pulled an eat-n-run maneuver to keep working. In the afternoon the family took a scenic train ride. 

We were to rendezvous at brother M's house afterwards. The big moment we had been planning & looking forward to for weeks had arrived. Had our guests arrived on schedule? And was Dad still clueless? Yes & yes. Actually he admitted he was a little suspicious that we might have something else up our sleeve but gave up on us when the train ride ended uneventfully. He walked right into this one! We had old friends of the family, currently of Oklahoma, hidden away at M's house. It's quite fulfilling to pull a complete surprise over someone, isn't it?

 

It seems like a minor miracle that we were able to pull 2 extended families (54 people) together from various states on the same weekend. (But then again, these people know a little something about miracles, based on some of the hair-raising close-calls.) These are the kind of friends with which we could pick up right where we left off 11 years ago. So many laughs! Although I wasn't part of the family when they lived in the same community, there are still plenty of stories that can be imagined and found hilarious.  

Our electric was off for awhile Sunday morning, but thanks to our new generator, didn't inconvenience us at all. After church, there was lunch of poor man's steak, mashed potatoes, peas, butterhorns w/ peanut butter spread or strawberry jam, tossed salad, cheesecakes- pecan praline, white chocolate raspberry swirl, and chocolate peanut butter cup, and ice cream dessert (for anyone who didn't like cheesecake). I count it a compliment that our guests couldn't tear themselves away until 5:30 despite the looming 13 hour drive ahead of many of them. We came home exhausted and were asleep by the time they hit the state line, but it was worth every minute!

Harvest Time

Here it is- JS's first harvest with bow. There seems to be something about rain and this young man's success. As you can see, I am no professional hunting photographer- we forgot to put the bow in the picture! Give me a break- it was raining and after dark- I couldn't even tell what I was taking a picture of. I'm happy for you, JS. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will get one of the big ones this year, too. And, God, if it's not to much to ask, may it be during his professionally filmed hunt.   

A Switch?

I'm thinking of switching to a new blog host because my readers are having trouble interacting with my blog. I cannot find the problem that is blocking people from leaving comments, etc. Most everyone I know uses either Blogger or Wordpress. I've resisted using Wordpress in the past because they are lacking the one feature I like most about Blogspot.
If you have a blog, I'd like to hear -why do you use the host you do? If you can't comment here, try emailing me or sending a message through FaceBook. Thanks!  

Coals of Fire

Been thinkin' about heaven. How wonderful it is going to be. Lately it seems like one of the best things about it will be that there will be no more relationship struggles. Imagine that! I'm longing & sighing.
I'm so weary of our humanity and the struggle to get along with folks around us. I'm weary of licking wounds. I'm not sure if we have some rough edges that need worked off or if we have attained a level of righteousness that results in attacks by the devil (as we discussed in SS yesterday), but I feel like we've been besieged from nearly every quadrant recently. Maybe we're just talented at being in the wrong place at the right time to get involved.

Yesterday we had a run-in of the neighbor variety. A neighbor went driving past our house in a pickup, pulling a livestock trailer with some dogs on board. JS was outside with our new dog, that we are still in the process of training. We have not been real strict with the north boundary of our property since no one lives back there behind us. A livestock trailer & other dogs headed in that direction proved too big of a temptation- Buster lit off after them. JS jumped on the 4wheeler and lit after him. When he came upon the scene, our dog was sitting on his haunches watching these folks, not interfering with their business in any way. The fella said to JS "You need to train your dog better than that." He went to his livestock trailer, produced a cattle whip and whipped our dog. His wife had been attempting to help Josh get the dog on the 4wheeler when this happened. Apart from his reputable character, I do not understand why he would do this.
The quote "People need love the most when they deserve it the least" keeps going through my mind, along with "heaping coals of fire". I'm battling this one- I really don't want to show any kindness to this man. Is it ungodly to hope his conscience smote him?

The Speed of Life

After about 4 weeks of intense schedules, I felt rather adrift yesterday with a normal pace of life. Here are just some of the recent happenings-

We celebrated JR's 17th b-day on the 29th. We went to Grandma M's for lunch, then he went with the youth in the evening- had a good time playing outdoor games at one of the church families. 

He had his last session of equine therapy the previous week. It was encouraging to hear their observations of the progress he made. He has gone horseback riding there since, but we can't afford more therapy right now. We had an appointment with the Dept. of Developmental Disabilities in hopes of qualifying for their services, especially a job coach. He was tested, then we toured their facility; we were feeling rather upbeat about the possibilities, only to be cut loose once again. He scored too high. It's good that he is high functioning, but bad in that we do NOT qualify for services. We already knew what the test showed- he is too capable to be classified as disabled but not capable enough to live independently. Pray with us that he could find a job. 

September 1 & 2 we attended the calling hours & funeral of the 10 year old daughter of friend & former classmate of R's. It hits home since we also have a 10 y.o. daughter whose name starts with A. Cancer- it's an ugly reminder that we live in a fallen world.

We sold the day cab. We were not looking to sell but had an offer, so we let it go. Now R spends his spare time shopping for a replacement. We need a day cab to get in some of the tight places he has to deliver to; farm lanes generally are not designed with big trucks in mind.  

We have been wanting an aerial photo of our house. We had a fella stop in with a photo in a nice oak frame (made in good ol' Lanc. Co) that he was selling for less than any other offers we had. So we now have our aerial photo.

On Sept 4 we went to an air show in the northern part of our state. We haven't gone on any vacations this summer and this is something the menfolk have been wanting to take in, so we decided this was the year to go. After a week of a 90*+ heatwave, it was supposed to cool off to a comfortable 70* that day. We didn't think of taking jackets. Or umbrellas. About the time we arrived in the outskirts of the city, it started to rain. It appeared like it would blow over soon but it continued to rain all morning. We didn't drive that distance to stand at the entrance of the parking garage, so we asked if we could leave to buy jackets & umbrellas without paying to re-park. Lack of business= no problem. We drove around almost 2 hours till we returned with umbrellas and inexpensive jackets. The store we were finally directed to for jackets was distinctly African American and 2 of the jackets we bought had a gang-type symbol on the back that upon returning home and reading the tag we fervently hope no one recognized. 

Upon returning to the air field, the rain tapered off. The umbrella was no good because the wind promptly turned it inside out. It was very windy and cold. $50 for jackets we didn't otherwise need felt like money well spent. Some of us were shivering despite them. A was in flip-flops and had to sit on her feet to keep them from freezing. It really was miserable. In all that commotion, I inadvertently left the camera in the van. It was a good 20 minute hike back to the parking garage (because one had to go around the block to get there). I was just sick! R was a real trooper and went after it during a lull in the show. Some acts were cancelled due to the high winds. We were amazed that the wing walker still performed. That's her on top of the plane below.

At one point A wanted me to open her bottle of flavored water; in spite of opening it slowly, it ended up spewing half it's contents into my lap which left me feeling distinctly sticky. Wow, this just was not my day! We also played the "I have to go to the bathroom- Why didn't you go back there- But I didn't have to go then" game on the way home. To end a perfectly miserable day, we arrived home to the letter in the mail stating that JR scored too high on the aforementioned OEDI to qualify for services. In spite of it all, the guys thought it was worth going, although JS was disappointed the radio controlled craft couldn't fly. R was intrigued by this jet truck. (Note the parachutes out the back to slow it after it had just raced a plane.) Yep, it's a Pete.

We celebrated R's b-day the next day with peanut butter pie (his ticket into my family- that ones for you, bro). After the evening program at church, we went camping with the youth. We set up our camper so we had comfy, cozy beds to fortify us through the 40* temp overnight. After breakfast (nothing like campfire bacon, right?), the youth watered down a garden and played several games of mud volleyball and football. I had no desire to help, but stayed to take pictures. In typical youth fashion, how to get home in muddy clothes was not pre-planned. Farm & Dairy seat covers to the rescue. Once I got home, I had more food to fix for the church picnic in the evening. Bed would've felt good, but I went to the picnic for supper and stayed to watch part of the cornhole tournament. 

Tuesday I had a large pile of laundry. One of our pumps decided to give out; combined with the draught, doing laundry on one well was an extended project. Fortunately the pump finally came in and R installed it that evening. It had occurred to me on Saturday that I only have this week to get 2 dresses made for family pictures. I got them both cut out on Tuesday and started sewing A's. When I tried the bodice on her, it was too small. Make a new pattern and start over. I'm feeling stressed!
By Wednesday AM the water had settled in the well and I had plenty of clean water once again. PTL! Was able to finish the laundry plus wash 3 very large loads of towels. I got A's dress sewed, ready for the hemming.
Thursday I was feeling the pressure to "put the pedal to the metal" on the sewing machine. I started on my dress in the morning, made the weekly trip to town for groceries, library & banking in the afternoon. Right after school I took JS shopping -major items on the list: white shirts for the menfolk to wear for family pictures, and some archery equipment for JS. He's counting the days!
Friday- the pressure is really on now! Laundry had to be done. The sleeves didn't fit my dress so I had to start over. Make a new pattern, which then has to be tweaked. Ripping seams. Ticking clock. No time to eat. Target departure time of 3pm- I'm still at the sewing machine. Revised departure time of 4pm- I'm still at the ironing board pressing the hems, while everyone is responsible for their own packing. 4:30- loaded up & heading east! But I'm so jittery from the stress that I can't hem. And carsick because I haven't had time to eat. Eating doesn't help. R needs me to take over driving because he's fighting sleep. That takes care of the carsickness, but now it's almost dark... and I keep pricking my fingers when we hit bumps. 10pm- arrive at my parents' house and resume hemming until I'm too tired to see straight (which isn't long).
I never, ever leave my house so dirty when we go away. I have this funny thing about being in an accident -my in-laws being shocked and my mother embarrassed at my untidiness. When all else fails, I at least straighten up and sweep floors. This time I overcame my phobia and left the house as it was, which resembled an airport that hasn't been cleaned for a week while the masses rush in & out. After all, the doors are locked and no one will see it, I told myself. About half way to our destination, R's cell phone rang - our favorite bro-in-law (none of 'em read this so I can say that; no, seriously, we're glad to call him family) wants to borrow our commentary. R tells him he has to clean up before he leaves if he goes in. But alas, our mess awaited when we got home.        
Saturday- drag myself out of bed at 6:15 to resume hemming. Ticking clock. Tangles in thread. As Mom always said "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get." Just when I'm ready to implement Plan B- hemming on the way to family pictures while wearing the dress and using scotch tape on the remainder, Mom whips out a needle and helps. Hooray, time left to eat breakfast! And iron the mens' shirts. We've made it! The whole family shows up in outfits that coordinate instead of clash this time-predominantly blue denim & white. Nice location and perfect weather for photo shoot.
The evening is taken up with a supposed-to-be surprise party for my brother's 30th b-day. Our cover was blown when he went into the basement, smelled the BBQ and saw the roaster ...after inviting himself over for lunch. I'm a bit disconcerted that I can easily remember things that happened 30 years ago.
        
And now I must sign off. While I don't have such a rigid schedule this week, I do have the office to houseclean and more sewing to be done, maybe some painting thrown in to keep life interesting. And A's b-day coming up this weekend- she wants to have company, which involves cleaning this dirty airport and making some food.  

Our Busy Life

One of these days I am going to find time to blog about the many things we're doing.

Meanwhile here is one picture- the participants of the youth mud v-ball game yesterday.

No, I did not help! I don't play v-ball under the best of conditions, so why does everyone ask?

August Notes

It's back to school time... already. I am so not ready! JS is a High School freshman, and A, my right-hand-helper, is a 6th grader.  We are not homeschooling JR this year. Instead we are working toward getting him into a developmental disabilities adult program with the goal of getting him a job coach.  

The last 2 weeks have been crazy busy, cramming in canning, dentist appointments, meetings and all manner of activities. One of the best activities was the "Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man, Thief" youth social. The poor & beggars are mixed together in the front, the rich are in the back to the right, and thieves to the left. We are enjoying the youth activities so much that I already regret missing out when our term is up.  

This is the latest addition to our pets. For the record, I was strongly opposed to adding Buster, but alas I was outnumbered 4-1. We have no idea what breed he is. So far he has not done anything to redeem himself in my eyes, but I suppose we get an extra feather in our wings for saving his life.

The Toss-up

   In February we experienced life with an extended power outage. This week we experienced another one following a storm with lots of lightening. Summer vs. winter. I'm trying to decide which is worse.

No heat vs. no a/c...
verdict- you can always bundle up when it's cold, so no a/c is probably worse, IMO. It got too warm in the house to do much of anything. With the school schedule breathing down my neck, the lost time makes me anxious. Not to mention the warm, coziness made it hard to sleep, and the lack of showers more evident.

No running water...
verdict- in the winter you can always melt snow, but this week we had no means of flushing toilets. And we had no drinking water, which made everyone unusually thirst.

No means of keeping food frozen and cooled...
verdict- we need a generator, that's what! In the winter we could at least set food outside to freeze/chill. After a mere 24 hours in this heat we had milkshakes (formerly ice cream).

No way to cook...
verdict- in the winter we had the woodstove; this week we ate cold sandwiches and fresh fruit. Do-able either way.

No lights...
verdict- in the winter it got dark much earlier. That is one advantage we had this time- I was able to scrapbook fairly long in the evening.

No provider...
verdict- in the winter R was here to handle the man jobs, like getting a generator around. This week he was gone on a long run- gone overnight both nights we were out of power. Bad timing. Definitely worse this round, but that's not really due to the summer vs. winter question.
To make matters even worse, our phone was out part of the time and we only have cell service select places in the yard so it was impossible to carry a whole conversation before getting cut off. Just when I was really getting desperate, my brother-in-law from down the road texted that he can bring me a generator. Thank you! Thank you! If we would practice the social custom of kissing one's hand, I would've done it, but I shall find another way to convey my gratitude (to his great relief, I'm sure).

  So would I rather do without power in the summer or winter? Not sure. It's a toss-up. Either season has it's challenges and reveals how full of luxuries & conveniences our lives really are with electric. What would be your choice?
 

Silver Linings

It's been said there is a silver lining to every cloud. I'm discovering one advantage to being told repeatedly you have missed the mark on parenting is you stay firmly grounded about your faults and then you're pleasantly shocked when your teen does something that reveals you've succeeded in some area.

I've had one of those revelations in the past week. As previously posted, JR is doing equine therapy. Yes, it is giving us some much-needed tools to deal with situations. It's been interesting to observe his interaction with the horses. We've always know he has a special connection with animals. They have tried to bring horses into the arena that would not cooperate with him in order to illustrate a point. It's been difficult to do because all the horses cooperate with him. A horse-whisperer. He has had riding lessons apart from the therapy and loves it! But I digress.

Through the therapist, we've been connected with another Aspergers family locally -someone who totally gets it. I knew there had to be someone out there but I didn't know how to find them. And now this past week the therapist arranged a meeting with a retired education specialist who has extensive experience with Autism and Aspergers. It was like a drink of ice cold lemonade on a hot day. So refreshing. She made some affirming observations I can't see because I'm too immersed in the situation. And I learned some things about communication from her just by observing her in action.  

   Ms. W asked JR a lot of questions. One thing she asked was what kind of books he likes to read. When she inquired about the nonfiction, he said books about World War II. This is true. It's a hallmark of "Aspies" to have an obsessive interest in a few subjects. Space/flying/planes are one of JR's special interests, thus WWII with it's planes. I tend to bounce back and forth between the view that it's history and therefore acceptable reading material vs. panic that he's filling his mind with war because any way you cloak it, it's still killing. I recently did the panic thing again and put a restriction on WWII material.

   Ms. W asked JR what WWII was all about. In true Aspie fashion, he rattled off detailed information that "wowed" everyone present. Next she asked him what he thinks about war. He looked at me and said "Mom doesn't like it." She replied "So Mom doesn't like it. What do YOU think?" He thought a minute before saying "It's a waste of life."
   We all sat there in stunned silence. Yes!!! [pump fist] So he does get it. It felt like such triumph to me because he wasn't parroting back a phrase he hears us preaching all the time. He put his thoughts into his own words. (Expressing one's self can be difficult for Aspies.) Once again this mom has underestimated him. Thank God for silver linings!      

Kittens

On Thursday we had another on of those traumatic days involving our family pets. One of our cats died. Unfortunately, it was the one with a nest of 2 week old kittens. JS has "adopted" them, teaching them to drink first from a dropper and now from a bottle. All 5 are thriving.

Do the lessons children learn about the life cycle justify days like this? We're not sure. All we know is our children are getting attached to little kitties that are gonna have to go as soon as they're old enough.

Youth Camping

This weekend we went camping with the youth group. At some local cabins. Hot & humid, but a great time all the same.  

There were cornhole tournaments. I worked hard last week to get our boards ready for use- nothing like waiting till the last minute. R plays a mean game and was the undefeated champion of the weekend.  

  

The guys made Sunday lunch. Awesome grilled chicken & pork chops. The tip jar was a good idea but didn't net their due reward. The salad may or may not have had some extra protein -in the form of a bug and/or severed fingernail.The guys willingness to take care of lunch did not extend to doing dishes afterwards, I noticed.  

The planned activities provided a whole weeks' quota of laughs. I thoughts the girls were good sports about shooting balloons with a BB gun. Most were better shots than I would be.   

But the guys were even better sports about eating doughnuts fishing-pole style when they were still full from lunch. You had to have been there -it looked so crazy!  

A hot weekend wouldn't be complete without a water fight. Ice cold water by the bucket? No thanks! I'll cool off with a pina colada instead.

Want to feel mature? Or maybe better described as old and matronly? Start discussing whether something happened in '89 or '90 so you can hear one of the youth in the corner snort because that was before his time. Hanging out with the youth will do the trick, too. Particularly when they do youthful things -like piling on the back of a pickup for a trip to town and you worry about the one precariously perched falling off, or setting off "Amish bombs" at 2AM and you worry about the neighbors' noise tolerance. Ah, I remember those days when we were young & invincible, too.  

He's A Winner!

On Saturday I took this group of guys to an archery shoot. (Second from the left is JS.) It's an annual event in our area. They had a great time, in spite of the heat! Honestly, they were the best shots out of the hundreds of kids attending. Their reputation preceded us around the 50-target course. I'm proud of them all for their sportsmanship, as well as leaving a good testimony for the Lord. You guys rock!  

After lunch,door prizes are handed out. This year JS won one of the 2 major prizes! His prize is a guided hunt to be filmed this fall during archery season by XtremeOutdoorsPro. We were shocked and absolutely thrilled! Wow! (I get to go along -cool.) Good luck, JS!    

Never a Dull Moment

Lack of posts does not signify lack of activity. Some things that have been keeping us busy and life interesting are:

...wrapping up another school year. Hooray for summer vacation!

...keeping up with the boys' lawn mowing business. I can't back a trailer for a hoot; fortunately for me, my 14 yr. old can. The record breaker is 8 hours of mowing in one day.

...biting my nails while oldest son takes his drivers test. He passed. Funny thing is he got points deducted from his score for driving too slow. So handy to have another licensed driver to run errands. He had his first road-kill; unfortunately it was a skunk that stunk. 

...hosting guests 3 weekends in a row. So fun to catch up with friends; not so fun sleeping on air mattresses that lose momentum mid-night. :)

...taking in a local wedding. We have graduated to clean-up crew at weddings now. Hey, it's not so bad -has it's advantages. Like leftover flower arrangements.

...painting at bro-in-law M's 'new' house. A lot. They're soon going to charge me rent, I think. We're puppy-sitting for them this weekend.

...having a family equine therapy session. Interesting. Not sure we learned much, but our counselors sure got an unvarnished view of our family dynamics! Ultimately a good thing. JR finished his riding lessons and goes on trail rides now, which he loves. 

...going to the cabin with my family. Folks, we do it the old fashioned way. No 4-star accommodations for us. 2 small cabins bursting at the seams to hold us all. Running water is grabbing a bucket and running down to the spring.

...starting a new canning season. Strawberries rule!

...spring housecleaning. I know, I know, it's almost summer and I'm not near done. Doesn't change the fresh, clean smell and organized cupboards, so I make no apologies.

...teaching A the finer points of doing laundry. She voluntarily did several loads while I was in town yesterday. Then she made supper, too. (Meanwhile I'm shoe shopping with a son who takes longer to make up his mind than the females in this household combined.) Attempts to teach A to comb her hair are not progressing quite as successfully.

...worrying about all the rain, which is drowning our newly planted weeping cherry tree and rhododendrons. The original ones died by drowning in our clay soil. Will the landscaper warranty them a 2nd time? 
 
...And the real clincher today- R had an accident this morning. No one was hurt, for which we are extremely grateful. The trailer ended up on it's side. Equipment malfunction (for those of you that know truck lingo- something snapped in the 5th wheel) I got there in time to watch the trailer being winched into an upright position by 2 tow trucks. Naturally it was our newest trailer. R was wishing he wouldn't have to haul this load today, but this wasn't what he had in mind!    

Makes you wonder "what's next?"

Of Graduations

College graduations are not everyday occurrences in our family. But this past weekend R & I were among the honored guests invited to witness the commencement exercises of my only sibling who has made it that far. My youngest brother graduated with a Bachelor degree in Nursing. 

   Due to the university limiting the number of guests per graduate, our children were not able to attend. However, it was broadcast via podcast which they were able to watch.

  This was an occasion close to my heart because it is my life dream. When R came into my life, I was on the verge of pursuing a RN degree myself; I was enrolled at the same college where G started out. I must confess that I got tears in my eyes a couple of times during the ceremony. An odd mixture of intense pride, happiness and a twinge of sadness that my life went down a different path. Do not misunderstand- I do not regret getting married; I just don't understand why God never took away the dream when He closed the door. 

   We celebrated afterwards with a party at my other younger brother's house. And surprised our favorite Graduate Nurse with the gift of a laptop.  

I would like to think I was G's biggest fan, but I think I've been replaced... 

My hat is off to K, who managed to be an asset instead of a distraction!

   G has worked hard and I know he will do an excellent job as a critical care nurse. I couldn't be prouder if I had footed the tuition bill myself. :)  

100 Things I'm Thankful For

The challenge was thrown out by a friend, so here is my list of 100 things I'm thankful for... in no particular order:  

1. for a godly husband who loves me well
2. Christian parents who raised me well
3. my 3 children who are stretching me into a better person
4. good friends who affirm and support 
5. my brothers, who made sure I was thoroughly educated on males before I got married
6. flowers so beautiful they beg to be admired -I consider these to be roses, lilacs, stargazer lilies, hyacinths, lily-of-the-valley, hydrangeas, peonies...
7. a never-ending supply of good books to read  Thank God for authors! :)
8. technology- the internet (so much useful info at my fingertips), email (keeping in touch with family & friends around the world), cell phones (a safety measure when I'm out and about), etc.
9. just enough cell phone service indoors to be able to text
10. a stable income
11. a heritage of solid financial management
12. God's Word -it never gets old; a wealth of inspiration and encouragement.
13. the privilege of owning our own business
14. trust-worthy employee(s)
15. over a million miles without a single serious accident
16. the love that produced my soulmate, and raised him to be my perfect match
17. deep roots in our church (we might be struggling, but we're committed. Our circumstances in a community with more church options I'm convinced would result in walking away rather than fighting for life.)
18. recipes -I'm not a natural at cooking, I need good directions
19. chick flicks and family movies -love a good, clean plot!
20. laughter  
21. modern medicine and medical knowledge
22. romance 
23. warm sunny days
24. the smell of rain
25. the ping-ing sound of canning jars sealing
26. line-dried laundry
27. the gift of words... and good communication skills in my family
28. a clean, organized house (in my case, rare but delightful)
29. DQ mushroom & swiss burgers
30. chocolate, especially dark 
31. our local library -we're on a first name basis with nearly all the librarians
32. the courage to pray for wisdom to see the beam in my own eye before the splinter in someone else's
33. my new bread recipe that turns out perfect every time
34. a glass of iced garden tea
35. Arby's Jamocha shakes
36. Snuggle creme fabric softener
37. stress-relieving hobbies like scrapbooking and crocheting
38. Sunday dinner invitations
39. music that moves me (occasionally lyrics or talented singers move me to tears)
40. the hope of "a place prepared for me"
41. sleeping in / lounging in bed
42. the invention of cereal so I don't have to cook breakfast for my family
43. summer vacation -freedom from Bible Memory, packing lunches & scheduled mornings! 
44. thrift store finds that stretch our clothing budget
45. audio books to pass the time while doing housework I don't enjoy
46. living in a location that has changing seasons
47. Walmart (a controversial one, I know; you don't have to agree with me)
48. my Bernina sewing machine
49. my digital camera
50. can-I-borrow-a-cup-of-sugar neighbors
51. hanging out with Hillcrest friends and having our children enjoy it as much as we do
52. my big oval bathtub
53. uninterrupted bubble baths, and other moments of solitude
54. a husband who provides security
55. weddings -just simply love weddings! 
56. the rich topsoil being spread on our garden
57. a Sunday afternoon nap after an insanely busy week
58. the guilty pleasure of sneaking a snack after the children are in bed 
59. candles lit on a cold winter evening
60. fresh strawberries (any fresh produce really, but strawberries are special because they're ready first)
61. coming home after a trip
62. when I'm uninspired over what to make for supper and one of the children suggests something super-simple like soup & grilled cheese
63. beautiful sunsets
64. Mom M's or sister-in-law R's cinnamon rolls -the softest & best I've ever had! 
65. a husband who takes me to Red Lobster even though he's allergic to shellfish
66. the white wicker swing on our front porch
67. that I've never gotten a speeding ticket in my life
68. the gift of giving -love being able to help people financially
69. electricity & running water Refer to this post 
70. relaxing family vacations; the ability to travel
71. A's eagerness to learn homemaking skills
72. the grace to let work go sometimes to invest in relationships, particularly with my children 
73. bonding with 2nd son via hunting 
74. listening to/watching the world wake up during hunting season (about the only time I'm up early enough to experience it!) 
75. my oldest son's natural gift with animals
76. our anniversary get-aways
77. watching deer from my kitchen window
78. white sandy beaches
79. glimpses of God's sense of humor
80. unblemished snow, especially in sufficient quantity to be snowed in! 
81. s'mores around a campfire
82. the first daffodils of spring
83. hard things in life -because they refine me. JR's disorders, my depression and various strained relationships top that list. 
84. the sense of accomplishment when I have all the laundry and ironing finished and put away
85. our house, remodeled just the way we want it
86. the luxury of central air -and our electric bill hardly went up! How cool is that?! (no pun intended)
87. the comics and coupons that come with the Sunday paper
88. the pride of seeing my children awarded for an accomplishment (think Track & Field, school awards)
89. the pleasure of watching others enjoy my homemade soft pretzels
90. cheesecakes that don't crack
91. the Holy Spirit's prompting 
92. rest in the midst of turmoil
93. my beautifully refinished dining room table
94. my walk-in pantry 
95. the everlasting arms underneath me
96. ability to get my thoughts on paper
97. freshly manicured lawns and landscaping (not that I have it right now)    
98. open Sunday evenings when we can stay home!
99. Bath & Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena lotion
100. happy childhood memories

Life With Aspergers

April is Autism Awareness Month, so it seems like an appropriate time to write a post on JR's disorder- Asperger's. Asperger's Syndrome is in the Autism Spectrum of disorders; it is sometimes referred to as High-Functioning Autism. Until about 6 months ago, JR was misdiagnosed with OCD (which is reportedly quite common). We are glad to be on the right track now, in trying to understand him and helping him adapt to the "real world".

Asperger's is a developmental disability that hinders a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively, and typically exhibit an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.
These signs & symptoms might be present in children/teens with AS:

• Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
• Dislike any changes in routines.
• Appear to lack empathy.
• Unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Cannot read body language.
• Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
• Have unusual facial expressions, odd behavior or mannerisms.
• Lack “common sense”.
• Preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy; they may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
• Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
• Have poor fine motor skills and/or are clumsy. May have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
• Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.

To sum it up in my own terms, something in their brain is not wired right; it misfires when attempting to send messages. I wonder how well you & I could fit into society with a brain that misfires constantly. When the engine in our vehicle does that, we either get it tuned or replace it. Not an option for these children. At this time, the cause of Aspergers is unknown, hampering the finding of a solution/cure.

From our research into Aspergers, we have discovered it is quite common for parents of these children to face criticism and accusations of bad parenting. Painfully familiar. We're well aware that on the surface Aspergers does look like a spoiled brat that just needs some firm discipline, however, the reality of life with Aspergers is different than what you see on the surface. Can't help but love paragraphs from medical articles like this: "Asperger's symptoms often lead people to dismiss Asperger kids as ill-mannered, badly behaved, and rude. From this assumption, it's only a quick jump to the most popular of games: Blame The Parents. Bad parenting does not caused Asperger's syndrome. If bad parenting, how to explain families that include both Aspies and "neurotypical" siblings? If bad parenting causes Asperger's syndrome, why would one child be affected and not the other?" Our plea is that you hold your judgments in check when you meet a "quirky" kid.

Thank God another statistic is one we cannot relate to- that the divorce rate among Aspie parents is a whopping 75%! If anything, Aspergers has strengthened our relationship, although we certainly can understand where the stress could tear a marriage apart.

It puzzles me how people can smile sympathetically and proclaim children with obvious disabilities, such as Downs, as sweet and their parents as heroes while cutting no slack for those with hidden disabilities. If you can't see it, it's not real??

JR is currently doing Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. A fancy name for therapy with horses. It's early yet to tell what the benefits will be in our situation, but the loads of research on it's effectiveness is promising. Since he loves animals, we're optimistic. He is very near to completing his 50 hours of driving and being able to take the test for a drivers license. His driving instructor proclaimed him "a very safe driver and a joy to work with" -a relief to us. We are still praying for a job for him. We think he would do well working for a vet or in a pet shop, or something with computers, but those jobs are hard to get without a diploma. (We're waiting for his Achievement test scores before deciding whether to give him a HS diploma.) Thus we wait on God. God is good, all the time.