Mother's Day Ponderings

If you know me very well at all, you know I am not a "baby person". When they were handing out dreams, I was in a different line- not the one for dreams of being a mother. When I was in grade school I had to write a report about my dreams/plans for my life; I still have it and it's filled with grand schemes. On the tail end -like the after thought it was- is tacked a brief sentence about getting married and having a few children. Oh the irony that the only thing on the list that came to pass is that last sentence.
   When my children were little I muddled through, praying I would still be sane when they reached adulthood. Most of the time I honestly didn't believe I would survive the stress of little people, a disorder and depression. I wanted to be a good mom -I really did, but frankly I didn't thrive in the role. Mother's Day was something of a guilt trip for me- hearing others sing the praises of motherhood & living the dream, which I simply couldn't relate to. Oddball me.

Fast forward to the present.
   My children are all teenagers. They can all dress themselves, feed themselves and go potty. They can cook if need be. They can do homework on their own. They can even drive themselves places. They can do chores around the house and carry groceries in from the van for me. They can carry on adult conversations and discuss ideas. They can make me laugh. AND they can form a conscious thought of buying flowers for Mother's Day, drive themselves to the store and pick out a beautiful bouquet. Not to mention paying for it with their own money.

Granted, they can also spread their wings of independence in ways I don't care for and frustrate me. No, it's not all perfection. But they can "butter me up" with notes of apology that melt my heart. 

   When my children were little, I was advised over & over to enjoy each stage, to not miss the blessings right under my nose by being obsessed with wishing for the next stage. I believe the sentiment fueling the advice was that I would never quite reach a stage I would enjoy. There is merit in that advice -don't get me wrong, but my experience also defies it. For any moms who aren't sure about their mothering, it is possible to find your "sweet spot" eventually.

  

I realized this year -for probably the first time- that Mother's Day is a happy celebration for me now. I love my stage of life. I love seeing my children live out what were some of the most fun years of my life. I realize we only have a few short years left before they start leaving the nest. I intend to make the most of the time I have left.