Life With Aspergers

April is Autism Awareness Month, so it seems like an appropriate time to write a post on JR's disorder- Asperger's. Asperger's Syndrome is in the Autism Spectrum of disorders; it is sometimes referred to as High-Functioning Autism. Until about 6 months ago, JR was misdiagnosed with OCD (which is reportedly quite common). We are glad to be on the right track now, in trying to understand him and helping him adapt to the "real world".

Asperger's is a developmental disability that hinders a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively, and typically exhibit an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.
These signs & symptoms might be present in children/teens with AS:

• Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
• Dislike any changes in routines.
• Appear to lack empathy.
• Unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Cannot read body language.
• Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
• Have unusual facial expressions, odd behavior or mannerisms.
• Lack “common sense”.
• Preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy; they may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
• Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
• Have poor fine motor skills and/or are clumsy. May have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
• Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.

To sum it up in my own terms, something in their brain is not wired right; it misfires when attempting to send messages. I wonder how well you & I could fit into society with a brain that misfires constantly. When the engine in our vehicle does that, we either get it tuned or replace it. Not an option for these children. At this time, the cause of Aspergers is unknown, hampering the finding of a solution/cure.

From our research into Aspergers, we have discovered it is quite common for parents of these children to face criticism and accusations of bad parenting. Painfully familiar. We're well aware that on the surface Aspergers does look like a spoiled brat that just needs some firm discipline, however, the reality of life with Aspergers is different than what you see on the surface. Can't help but love paragraphs from medical articles like this: "Asperger's symptoms often lead people to dismiss Asperger kids as ill-mannered, badly behaved, and rude. From this assumption, it's only a quick jump to the most popular of games: Blame The Parents. Bad parenting does not caused Asperger's syndrome. If bad parenting, how to explain families that include both Aspies and "neurotypical" siblings? If bad parenting causes Asperger's syndrome, why would one child be affected and not the other?" Our plea is that you hold your judgments in check when you meet a "quirky" kid.

Thank God another statistic is one we cannot relate to- that the divorce rate among Aspie parents is a whopping 75%! If anything, Aspergers has strengthened our relationship, although we certainly can understand where the stress could tear a marriage apart.

It puzzles me how people can smile sympathetically and proclaim children with obvious disabilities, such as Downs, as sweet and their parents as heroes while cutting no slack for those with hidden disabilities. If you can't see it, it's not real??

JR is currently doing Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. A fancy name for therapy with horses. It's early yet to tell what the benefits will be in our situation, but the loads of research on it's effectiveness is promising. Since he loves animals, we're optimistic. He is very near to completing his 50 hours of driving and being able to take the test for a drivers license. His driving instructor proclaimed him "a very safe driver and a joy to work with" -a relief to us. We are still praying for a job for him. We think he would do well working for a vet or in a pet shop, or something with computers, but those jobs are hard to get without a diploma. (We're waiting for his Achievement test scores before deciding whether to give him a HS diploma.) Thus we wait on God. God is good, all the time.