Today marks 19 years of marriage for us. We are blessed to still be living out our vows. 'Tis a comfortable stage of life. Past the newlywed adjustments, past the busy days with little people under foot constantly (oh, I'm still busy -just not wiping noses, answering a thousand questions and kissing scraped knees), past the struggle to get established financially... and yet still having our family here under one roof.
Nothing special planned for today. I would love to take the day off but it doesn't appear wise in light of the piles of work staring at me. Probably eat by candlelight this evening. We have reservations made for Friday evening at the Grande Suite of a hotel, at which time we will go out to a nice restaurant.
In honor of the occasion, I have selected 19 items from our He says/She says list-
1. I like coffee. Black. / I enjoy the smell of coffee but only drink the watered down stuff (iced coffee or cappuccino)
2. My best time of day is morning. / I get on a roll about suppertime and go to bed whenever I get done [relatively speaking; a woman's work is never really done], usually between 10 or 11 pm.
3. I prefer vanilla. / Make mine chocolate. (If we're talking candy, make mine dark chocolate!)
4. I brush my teeth with warm water; it's refreshing. / Yuck! I brush with cold water because it's refreshing.
5. I like watermelon (& muskmelon). / If I want water I'll drink it, not eat it.
6. I would take the bank's word for it if my checkbook doesn't balance. / No way. It has to come out to the penny every time.
7. Why can't she remember a simple thing like how to retrieve voicemail? / Why can't he figure out a simple thing like how to order flowers online?
8. My eyesight is better than 20/20 but my hearing is selective. / I'm blind as a bat without my glasses but my hearing is sharp.
9. I untie the laces to take my shoes off. / I kick my shoes off still tied -saves time.
10. When I pack a suitcase, I always take an extra set of clothes. / I only take what I really need.
11. My family always ate applesauce as a side dish with the main course. / My family always ate it as a dessert with cake (or on pancakes).
12. I can find my way around by instinct. / I print out directions from MapQuest.
13. I could care less which way the toilet paper comes off the roll- I know she cares but I never remember which way. / T.P. must come off the roll from the top.
14. I like eggs for breakfast. Cereal just doesn't cut it- I'd rather go without. / Eggs nauseate me in the morning. I always eat cold cereal.
15. I pick a steakhouse to celebrate special occasions. / I pick Red Lobster.
16. I'm doing good to read a book once. / I re-read my favorite books periodically.
17. Reading in bed makes me fall asleep in 2 minutes. / Love reading in bed! I can stay awake half the night reading if it's a good book.
18. 'Sleeping in' is staying in bed till 7 am, and staying up late is anything after 9 pm. / 'Sleeping in' is staying in bed till 9:30 am, staying up late is after 11 pm.
19. When I'm sick I don't mind being fussed over. / When I'm sick I want everybody to just leave me alone so I can sleep it off.
It's a wonderful life! We see these things as teaching our children there are options in life (like mayo v. Miracle Whip), rather than disagreements.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Conflict
We've all had moments when we've made a *brilliant* discovery in a "Duh" kind of way. And it just amazes you so much that you want to share it even though it doesn't impress other people the way it does you. I had one of those moments on Friday.
It occurred to me that this week will mark the milestone of having lived in my current location as long as I did in the state where I was born & raised. 19 years in [state], 1 year of VS in [state] and now 19 years in [state]. Wow! But that's not the brilliant part. It only goes to show I've reached the vicinity of middle age.
It's human nature to morph to fit your culture. We tend to start thinking & acting like the people we're around. I know I have changed, apart from maturing. When I moved to this state as a young bride, it was like a whole new culture I had to figure out (To my family- think 'shucks' here) and I didn't always do so well. For something like the first 10 years I still referred to [state] as 'home' i.e. we're going home, and I would have moved back if anything had happened to my husband. In the last decade or so, it's [state], not 'home', and if I were to lose my husband I believe I would stay here where my support system is. I feel like a stranger in my former church. There is virtually no one from my youth group remaining there; it's my mom's peers who talk to me when we visit there. I consider myself to be [church affiliation] with only faint traces of [church affiliation] remaining in me.
I view the world from my perspective, which is shaped by my experiences in life. I have trouble thinking outside the box... to see an issue from the opposing viewpoint. Particularly in advance. Which would save me from the nasty business of tasting my socks when my foot ends up in my mouth! Is it just me that's really bad at this?
So my brilliant ?? discovery was that I was caught in a clash between 2 cultures in terms of how one should deal with conflict. On one hand was the philosophy of "Drop the subject" ...while on the other hand was a philosophy that has more to do with wading through messy issues instead of running from conflict. I was failing to match the culture with the response familiar to that culture.
I have this theory that virtually all conflicts are the result of misunderstandings. Communication is so key to relationships. And in our age of technology, with more people communicating electronically, it's easier to be misunderstood. (Can someone invent email with body language & tone of voice for those of us who are writers more than phone-talkers?) Look at it this way- why aren't my friends and/or spouse offending me on a regular basis? Friends can offer constructive criticism and I accept it. Why? Because they stuck around long enough to get to know me. Really know me. I know where they're coming from so I know how to take what they say. When it's good natured ribbing so I should laugh along. When it's concern for me because I'm off track & plainly need some sense knocked into my head.
When I think of interpersonal relationships, I often have to think of something a relative said on the subject. It went something like this- A friend can walk across the room with a plate of food in their hand, trip and dump their entire thing into your lap. You sympathize, assuring them it's OK, it could happen to anyone, no big deal. Meanwhile someone you don't like very well can be sitting across the room eating and just the way they hold their spoon bugs you. :) Are you laughing? I've been told we laugh when we identify with something. Transparency here- I'm laughing. But never fear- hold your spoon however you wish. If you're reading this, you're more likely to be numbered among my friends who could dump a plate into my lap.
With someone I don't know very well, it's not too difficult to get hurt by something they said or did. So I withdraw. They perceive me as snobby and withdraw in return. It's all a misunderstanding. And a vicious cycle. It's difficult to build a relationship with one we don't trust. Ah, but extra rewarding when we make the effort to extend grace and discover he/she isn't so different from me after all and is really a very nice person. Ah, but scary as well because we have no assurance that any acceptance of the grace will be extended our way.
The purpose of this post is not to air laundry. Don't imagine yourself into my words. I've been pondering this subject because it touches several situations that affect my life currently. I am looking to educate myself- to broaden my understanding of other perspectives on life. Do you have a story to share? When have you been hurt by a careless, insensitive remark? Was it ever resolved and what did it take to accomplish that? I want to be more sensitive to people's feelings. I want to be more Christ-like... a more accurate reflection of Him. I want to understand and be understood.
I guess where I'm coming from on this is we are prone to hurting others simply because we don't know. We don't know what they are feeling. What they've experienced/are experiencing that makes them vulnerable. I can say rude things that stab my acquantances who deal with infertility because I don't know what that feels like. I've never lived down the regret of demo-ing a Mother's Day card [when I was doing stamping parties] for a hostess who had recently lost her mother. Ouch! Nor do I know what feels hurtful to a single person in a world of married people. I have been stabbed myself many times by words and actions of the many who do not know what it feels like to parent a disabled child. We can't be all things to all people, but I would sure like to develop the character of being a thoughtful, caring person sometime before I die.
It occurred to me that this week will mark the milestone of having lived in my current location as long as I did in the state where I was born & raised. 19 years in [state], 1 year of VS in [state] and now 19 years in [state]. Wow! But that's not the brilliant part. It only goes to show I've reached the vicinity of middle age.
It's human nature to morph to fit your culture. We tend to start thinking & acting like the people we're around. I know I have changed, apart from maturing. When I moved to this state as a young bride, it was like a whole new culture I had to figure out (To my family- think 'shucks' here) and I didn't always do so well. For something like the first 10 years I still referred to [state] as 'home' i.e. we're going home, and I would have moved back if anything had happened to my husband. In the last decade or so, it's [state], not 'home', and if I were to lose my husband I believe I would stay here where my support system is. I feel like a stranger in my former church. There is virtually no one from my youth group remaining there; it's my mom's peers who talk to me when we visit there. I consider myself to be [church affiliation] with only faint traces of [church affiliation] remaining in me.
I view the world from my perspective, which is shaped by my experiences in life. I have trouble thinking outside the box... to see an issue from the opposing viewpoint. Particularly in advance. Which would save me from the nasty business of tasting my socks when my foot ends up in my mouth! Is it just me that's really bad at this?
So my brilliant ?? discovery was that I was caught in a clash between 2 cultures in terms of how one should deal with conflict. On one hand was the philosophy of "Drop the subject" ...while on the other hand was a philosophy that has more to do with wading through messy issues instead of running from conflict. I was failing to match the culture with the response familiar to that culture.
I have this theory that virtually all conflicts are the result of misunderstandings. Communication is so key to relationships. And in our age of technology, with more people communicating electronically, it's easier to be misunderstood. (Can someone invent email with body language & tone of voice for those of us who are writers more than phone-talkers?) Look at it this way- why aren't my friends and/or spouse offending me on a regular basis? Friends can offer constructive criticism and I accept it. Why? Because they stuck around long enough to get to know me. Really know me. I know where they're coming from so I know how to take what they say. When it's good natured ribbing so I should laugh along. When it's concern for me because I'm off track & plainly need some sense knocked into my head.
When I think of interpersonal relationships, I often have to think of something a relative said on the subject. It went something like this- A friend can walk across the room with a plate of food in their hand, trip and dump their entire thing into your lap. You sympathize, assuring them it's OK, it could happen to anyone, no big deal. Meanwhile someone you don't like very well can be sitting across the room eating and just the way they hold their spoon bugs you. :) Are you laughing? I've been told we laugh when we identify with something. Transparency here- I'm laughing. But never fear- hold your spoon however you wish. If you're reading this, you're more likely to be numbered among my friends who could dump a plate into my lap.
With someone I don't know very well, it's not too difficult to get hurt by something they said or did. So I withdraw. They perceive me as snobby and withdraw in return. It's all a misunderstanding. And a vicious cycle. It's difficult to build a relationship with one we don't trust. Ah, but extra rewarding when we make the effort to extend grace and discover he/she isn't so different from me after all and is really a very nice person. Ah, but scary as well because we have no assurance that any acceptance of the grace will be extended our way.
The purpose of this post is not to air laundry. Don't imagine yourself into my words. I've been pondering this subject because it touches several situations that affect my life currently. I am looking to educate myself- to broaden my understanding of other perspectives on life. Do you have a story to share? When have you been hurt by a careless, insensitive remark? Was it ever resolved and what did it take to accomplish that? I want to be more sensitive to people's feelings. I want to be more Christ-like... a more accurate reflection of Him. I want to understand and be understood.
I guess where I'm coming from on this is we are prone to hurting others simply because we don't know. We don't know what they are feeling. What they've experienced/are experiencing that makes them vulnerable. I can say rude things that stab my acquantances who deal with infertility because I don't know what that feels like. I've never lived down the regret of demo-ing a Mother's Day card [when I was doing stamping parties] for a hostess who had recently lost her mother. Ouch! Nor do I know what feels hurtful to a single person in a world of married people. I have been stabbed myself many times by words and actions of the many who do not know what it feels like to parent a disabled child. We can't be all things to all people, but I would sure like to develop the character of being a thoughtful, caring person sometime before I die.
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Hunter & the Hunted
Disclaimer: If you're not into deer hunting stories, don't bother to read this post. It's all about JS's filmed hunt.
Back in June, JS won a professionally filmed whitetail deer hunt. We were shocked & delighted. I don't expect we'll ever be able to afford such a luxury. We scheduled the date and I made a camo dress to wear. (It seems I am hooked on accompanying the hunter, thus it is prudent to acquire more feminine attire to wear in fields dominated by men, particularly when I was in danger of appearing on camera.) JS counted the weeks, then days. Finally on Friday the big day arrived!
With the school benefit auction on Saturday, on one hand, it felt like very bad timing. It was such a crazy busy week with doing extra baking and making food for the sale, and trying to make up some gift baskets when I am hopelessly inept at arranging baskets. And having to have all this, along with the regular housework, completed by Thursday. Oh, and throw in a youth committee meeting just to keep things interesting. But, on the other hand, when am I more in need of a day off? Lovely, soul-reviving hours of rest & silence!
Not being a morning person, the alarm goes off way too soon on hunting days. Somehow it always takes us longer to get bundled up in our gear than we anticipate, so we were running 10 minutes late meeting Mr. W. We opted to go with him to his hunting spots vs. ours. We traveled rural roads I had never been on and hiked totally foreign terrain in the dark with the aid of only a cell phone for light. It was not in the forecast to rain, and reportedly did not rain at our house, but it sprinkled where we were for almost 2 hours. Thanks to my camo dress made of heavy twill, I did not get hung up in the briers a single time or get the slightest bit damp.
Now finding a comfortable place to sit still for hours at a time is always the first challenge. I cannot sit without support for my back. The options are invariable covered with dry leaves that crunch loudly every time you shift your weight. Given the choice of a blind, complete with comfy chair for mom, or a brush pile on the hillside, JS chose the brush pile -with the better potential of seeing a buck. (I don't blame him, and it's part of the experience for me.) The suggested log just wasn't going to cut it, so I scooted down between 2 logs where I would have back support. I was well hidden, out of the way, and fairly comfortable, but my back was to all the action as it turned out.
The first action JS saw was a buck. I could hear, but not see it. It came in to 15 yds. Mr. W had been emphatic about JS waiting to take a shot until he gives the signal. After this episode, he said he was waiting & waiting for the arrow to come into the camera frame but it just never came. JS chose not to take the shot for several reasons- some brush in the way, and it was an unimpressive 4 point rack. In reviewing the footage later, we did notice it was a unique deer in that it had a white face.
We settled back to wait some more. After some time passed, I heard the stomping & blowing of multiple deer quite close by, but again could not see what was happening. I twisted around to see JS draw back, but he did not take the shot this time either. For safety reasons -camera man was in front of him. It was 3 does, including a large dominant that JS would have been happy with. At 10 yds. Mr. W got some great footage before they ran off.
In my experience, there seem to be 2 'handicaps' females experience to a greater degree than males during hunting trips. One is stamina to bear the freezing temperatures, and the other is what to do with a full bladder. The former having some bearing upon the later. Having forgotten gloves, my fingers were getting cold, but the other was on the forefront of my consciousness after 4+ hours. Just when I thought I'd have to embarrass myself by bringing my plight to the males' attention, Mr. W decided I looked cold and it was time to head in. He hunts with his wife frequently, so it was probably his polite way of addressing the issue.
After eating lunch, we went to Mr. W's house to see his trophy mounts, see the morning's footage and warm up. The farm we hunted in the morning was not available in the afternoon, so Mr. W called another of his many contacts and got permission to hunt another property. We are told his hunting skill is legendary in the area -to the extent that he has to hide his vehicle so his rivals can't figure out where he hunts. Not unlike our BIL's secret mushroom hunting spots.
Upon arrival, Mr. W's comment was "It may not look like much, but I've seen world-class bucks in this woods." He sprinkled attractants and made a scrape. We were closer to the highway & traffic noise, so he warned JS that whatever happens will happen without warning as we probably won't hear them coming. We actually had quite comfortable seating and it wasn't as cold, but we waited & waited... and waited... and waited. We saw absolutely no action. Not a thing. Well, ok, he did get some footage of a squirrel. At dusk, he decided we would try creeping out of the woods to see if there was anything in the field or at the edge of the woods. We didn't see anything, but a neighbor driving by stopped to tell us we drove 2 small doe out.
So 'the big hunt' ended with the tag unfilled. However, JS & I have this philosophy- a successful hunt is one on which you get out and enjoy nature, regardless of whether you bag any wildlife or not. Thus we consider it a successful day. Unfortunately, since JS didn't shoot & recover anything, the footage will not be used by Xtreme Outdoors. Mr. W will burn the footage onto a disk for us that we can keep to remember the experience by. We prayed much about this hunt, so I feel certain it turned out the way it was supposed to. I'm proud of my son for putting safety ahead of harvest, and for passing up an unimpressive rack in hopes of better results later. And I hope when he does finally bag a big one that I'm there with camera rolling!
Back in June, JS won a professionally filmed whitetail deer hunt. We were shocked & delighted. I don't expect we'll ever be able to afford such a luxury. We scheduled the date and I made a camo dress to wear. (It seems I am hooked on accompanying the hunter, thus it is prudent to acquire more feminine attire to wear in fields dominated by men, particularly when I was in danger of appearing on camera.) JS counted the weeks, then days. Finally on Friday the big day arrived!
With the school benefit auction on Saturday, on one hand, it felt like very bad timing. It was such a crazy busy week with doing extra baking and making food for the sale, and trying to make up some gift baskets when I am hopelessly inept at arranging baskets. And having to have all this, along with the regular housework, completed by Thursday. Oh, and throw in a youth committee meeting just to keep things interesting. But, on the other hand, when am I more in need of a day off? Lovely, soul-reviving hours of rest & silence!
Not being a morning person, the alarm goes off way too soon on hunting days. Somehow it always takes us longer to get bundled up in our gear than we anticipate, so we were running 10 minutes late meeting Mr. W. We opted to go with him to his hunting spots vs. ours. We traveled rural roads I had never been on and hiked totally foreign terrain in the dark with the aid of only a cell phone for light. It was not in the forecast to rain, and reportedly did not rain at our house, but it sprinkled where we were for almost 2 hours. Thanks to my camo dress made of heavy twill, I did not get hung up in the briers a single time or get the slightest bit damp.
Now finding a comfortable place to sit still for hours at a time is always the first challenge. I cannot sit without support for my back. The options are invariable covered with dry leaves that crunch loudly every time you shift your weight. Given the choice of a blind, complete with comfy chair for mom, or a brush pile on the hillside, JS chose the brush pile -with the better potential of seeing a buck. (I don't blame him, and it's part of the experience for me.) The suggested log just wasn't going to cut it, so I scooted down between 2 logs where I would have back support. I was well hidden, out of the way, and fairly comfortable, but my back was to all the action as it turned out.
The first action JS saw was a buck. I could hear, but not see it. It came in to 15 yds. Mr. W had been emphatic about JS waiting to take a shot until he gives the signal. After this episode, he said he was waiting & waiting for the arrow to come into the camera frame but it just never came. JS chose not to take the shot for several reasons- some brush in the way, and it was an unimpressive 4 point rack. In reviewing the footage later, we did notice it was a unique deer in that it had a white face.
We settled back to wait some more. After some time passed, I heard the stomping & blowing of multiple deer quite close by, but again could not see what was happening. I twisted around to see JS draw back, but he did not take the shot this time either. For safety reasons -camera man was in front of him. It was 3 does, including a large dominant that JS would have been happy with. At 10 yds. Mr. W got some great footage before they ran off.
In my experience, there seem to be 2 'handicaps' females experience to a greater degree than males during hunting trips. One is stamina to bear the freezing temperatures, and the other is what to do with a full bladder. The former having some bearing upon the later. Having forgotten gloves, my fingers were getting cold, but the other was on the forefront of my consciousness after 4+ hours. Just when I thought I'd have to embarrass myself by bringing my plight to the males' attention, Mr. W decided I looked cold and it was time to head in. He hunts with his wife frequently, so it was probably his polite way of addressing the issue.
After eating lunch, we went to Mr. W's house to see his trophy mounts, see the morning's footage and warm up. The farm we hunted in the morning was not available in the afternoon, so Mr. W called another of his many contacts and got permission to hunt another property. We are told his hunting skill is legendary in the area -to the extent that he has to hide his vehicle so his rivals can't figure out where he hunts. Not unlike our BIL's secret mushroom hunting spots.
Upon arrival, Mr. W's comment was "It may not look like much, but I've seen world-class bucks in this woods." He sprinkled attractants and made a scrape. We were closer to the highway & traffic noise, so he warned JS that whatever happens will happen without warning as we probably won't hear them coming. We actually had quite comfortable seating and it wasn't as cold, but we waited & waited... and waited... and waited. We saw absolutely no action. Not a thing. Well, ok, he did get some footage of a squirrel. At dusk, he decided we would try creeping out of the woods to see if there was anything in the field or at the edge of the woods. We didn't see anything, but a neighbor driving by stopped to tell us we drove 2 small doe out.
So 'the big hunt' ended with the tag unfilled. However, JS & I have this philosophy- a successful hunt is one on which you get out and enjoy nature, regardless of whether you bag any wildlife or not. Thus we consider it a successful day. Unfortunately, since JS didn't shoot & recover anything, the footage will not be used by Xtreme Outdoors. Mr. W will burn the footage onto a disk for us that we can keep to remember the experience by. We prayed much about this hunt, so I feel certain it turned out the way it was supposed to. I'm proud of my son for putting safety ahead of harvest, and for passing up an unimpressive rack in hopes of better results later. And I hope when he does finally bag a big one that I'm there with camera rolling!
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