Silver Linings

It's been said there is a silver lining to every cloud. I'm discovering one advantage to being told repeatedly you have missed the mark on parenting is you stay firmly grounded about your faults and then you're pleasantly shocked when your teen does something that reveals you've succeeded in some area.

I've had one of those revelations in the past week. As previously posted, JR is doing equine therapy. Yes, it is giving us some much-needed tools to deal with situations. It's been interesting to observe his interaction with the horses. We've always know he has a special connection with animals. They have tried to bring horses into the arena that would not cooperate with him in order to illustrate a point. It's been difficult to do because all the horses cooperate with him. A horse-whisperer. He has had riding lessons apart from the therapy and loves it! But I digress.

Through the therapist, we've been connected with another Aspergers family locally -someone who totally gets it. I knew there had to be someone out there but I didn't know how to find them. And now this past week the therapist arranged a meeting with a retired education specialist who has extensive experience with Autism and Aspergers. It was like a drink of ice cold lemonade on a hot day. So refreshing. She made some affirming observations I can't see because I'm too immersed in the situation. And I learned some things about communication from her just by observing her in action.  

   Ms. W asked JR a lot of questions. One thing she asked was what kind of books he likes to read. When she inquired about the nonfiction, he said books about World War II. This is true. It's a hallmark of "Aspies" to have an obsessive interest in a few subjects. Space/flying/planes are one of JR's special interests, thus WWII with it's planes. I tend to bounce back and forth between the view that it's history and therefore acceptable reading material vs. panic that he's filling his mind with war because any way you cloak it, it's still killing. I recently did the panic thing again and put a restriction on WWII material.

   Ms. W asked JR what WWII was all about. In true Aspie fashion, he rattled off detailed information that "wowed" everyone present. Next she asked him what he thinks about war. He looked at me and said "Mom doesn't like it." She replied "So Mom doesn't like it. What do YOU think?" He thought a minute before saying "It's a waste of life."
   We all sat there in stunned silence. Yes!!! [pump fist] So he does get it. It felt like such triumph to me because he wasn't parroting back a phrase he hears us preaching all the time. He put his thoughts into his own words. (Expressing one's self can be difficult for Aspies.) Once again this mom has underestimated him. Thank God for silver linings!