Successful Parenting

When I was raising my boys, it was part of my parenting philosophy that I was raising future husbands. There were manners I tried to teach them precisely because I believed some day it would come in handy as a husband. Key word there being “tried”. Not always successful. Things like lowering the toilet seat and tidying up the bathroom when you’re through, writing an item on the grocery list when you use up the last one, holding the door for a lady, and letting your mother know where you are going when you leave so she doesn’t worry (and knows where to start looking if you don’t make it home). 

   And then there are the things you let slide because frankly it’s not worth the battle. Or it’s just not something that bothers you. Every mom has ‘that thing’ she will do for her kids, it’s not part of her job description, and her kids take it for granted, but she does it anyway because she loves them. I think it might be referred to as 'spoiling'. I can’t tell you the number of times I stood in my laundry room turning socks right side out for my kids and saying to myself “Some day my daughter-in-law is going to hate me for this.”

   Ironically enough, the 1 DIL I have so far has never complained about having to turn socks right side out. Apparently that isn’t something that pushes her buttons. But the one thing that never once entered my mind to teach my sons is the one I should’ve taught. Oops!   

   So the moral of the story is this- it doesn’t matter how carefully you train your sons to be future husbands, there is going to be a pet peeve you don’t think of. In a nutshell- different things bug different people. It's just a fact of life. That’s not an excuse to give up and not even try to teach manners to that 12 year old that couldn’t care less about showering or changing his underwear. We do our best as moms because some day we hope our kids [or their spouses] will rise up and called us blessed. And where we get it wrong? God grant us the serenity to accept our mistakes. And if there is any justice in the world, some day the DILs who have to finish training our sons will be a MIL herself who missed one or two essential manners.

   

And now, can we talk about the real reward of being a mother? Grandbabies!

**We were privileged to attend the baby dedication of our granddaughter this morning. The pastor had an excellent message. On being a successful parent. From Judges 13, the story of Samson’s parents. I love when a sermon text comes from an unusual passage and you discover gems hidden in God's word you never noticed before.  

Successful parents:

1. Recognize their priorities

2. Recognize their privilege [v. 3]

3. Recognize their responsibility [v.7]

4. Recognize their dependency, [v.8] and

5. Recognize their limitations. [v.25]

A new thought to me was Samson’s parents did everything right, but they still had to accept their limitations when Samson was making poor choices. Sometimes children make choices that embarrass us and don’t make us look good [temper tantrum in the grocery store, for example] but we have the promise in Scripture if we train children up in the ways of God, it will follow them all their lives. In a crucial moment, Samson remembered the teaching of his parents.  

   At my stage of life, I can’t help but think that it’s good we embark into parenthood when we’re “young & dumb”. If we knew what all those 5 things entailed before we started, we’d be too terrified to have children. By the time we really understand what all the pastor was talking about, it’s too late -we are beyond the greatest opportunity for influence. It is an awesome responsibility and privilege to parent. We’re so very happy the next generation has ‘picked up the torch’ –not only giving us a wonderful grandbaby, but more importantly committing to teach & train her in the ways of God.

**On Mother’s Day my mind always goes to those who are not as blessed as I am. Those who no longer have their mother. Those who have not had a chance to be a mother. Or for whatever reason Mother’s Day is not a happy day for them. If this is you, just know you are loved and thought of today.

Observations on Kitchen Cleaning

I’m working on spring cleaning our kitchen this week. Can anyone explain to me WHY we always end up hosting company right before I deep clean my kitchen, when it’s filthy? Keeps me humble.

Here are some observations that come from sticking my head in the back corners of the fridge…

·         Evaporated milk will spoil in roughly 4 months.

·         A half of a lime that is 6 months old will turn yellow-ish, but won’t dry out if properly wrapped in plastic.

·         Greek yogurt left to itself will grow a healthy dose of penicillin [or something equally fuzzy]. Unfortunately the man of the house & I are both allergic to penicillin.

·         Old carrots have something in common with old men- sprouting hair from body orifices. Equally unattractive, but doesn’t render either useless, to be discarded for the younger.

·         Cleaning-Fridge-Day yields interesting cuisine for the neighborhood cats and neighbor’s dog that show up to pick through our discarded garbage, looking for chicken bones and other edible morsels. Fuzzy chocolate frosting topped with habanero salsa, anyone? Past-their-prime oranges ala sweet mustard? Spoiled rice & beans topped with a dab of ancient cinnamon roll pancake topping? It’s enough to gag a maggot!

Come on, tell me I’m not the only one. I’ve heard an estimated 40% of the food grown and produced in the USA ends up getting tossed. I’m positive I’m too thrifty to be throwing out 40% of our groceries, but our percentage is higher than I think it should be. My biggest handicap is staying organized. Stuff gets pushed to the back of the fridge or pantry… I don’t menu plan as much as I should… and it’s harder when you have more than one cook in the kitchen- somehow we end up with more than 1 container of sour cream opened, etc. more often than when I was the only one cooking. And there are certain people living under our roof who won't eat the last dregs out of a salsa jar or the last serving from the bottom of the chip bag. Why, I do not know. Depending what it is, the mister & I long-sufferingly clean it up, but when it's something we don't care for it's an impasse. It’s the stuff with a short shelf life- bread and produce especially- that are really my undoing. I’d love to hear your tips for staying organized and using up food that is headed downhill.  

In the process of cleaning my stove, I discovered the self-clean oven feature no longer works. So I resurrected the can of oven cleaner from the back of the cleaning supply cupboard, and did it the old fashioned way. This brought back memories- when I was a kid we loved when mom cleaned the oven because the spray cleaner that was used back then made the floor in front of the stove slippery. Slipping & sliding around in socks was grand fun! Anyone else ever do that? Simpler times, but much too hazardous for today’s kids. Lol.   

Random Sunday Evening Events

I read somewhere that it's no longer enough to fail epically, it now gets shared with the world on social media. But I thought this was too funny not to share.
Jeremy invited Josh & Ang over for soft pretzels and jamocha shakes last evening. I've been making soft pretzels for years and all was well until I was salting the 2nd tray of pretzels and it registered in my consciousness that something is slightly odd about the texture of the pretzel salt. A simple taste test revealed I was not salting the pretzels with pretzel salt. I checked the label- it was alum!!
The first tray was in the oven already, but I hastily rinse off the 2nd tray of pretzels. When the first tray was baked, I brushed the alum off and hoped for the best. But one bite was all it took to confirm it was an epic fail. Take my word for it- alum will totally permeated pretzels and they will be completely inedible. Nasty! Choke! Sputter! Cough! Even a lot of water couldn't wash the taste out of my mouth. 
It all comes from buying spices from the bulk food store, in identical containers. Next time I will double check the label before I sprinkle. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at yourself and move on.

We played a round of Compatibility. I'm not a big fan of playing table games, but for some odd reason I love this game. It's copyrighted 1996 and when it went through a brief fad around that time it was hard to find in stores so I bought it on eBay. Richard & I are really, really bad at this game; we almost always come in last when we play.
If you are not familiar with the game, each player has a deck of identical cards. You roll the dice to select a topic from the topic cards, then you & your partner try to select the same cards which you think best describe the topic. You get points for selecting the same cards and more points if you have them in the same order, which advances you around the board.
Ironically, Jeremy & Arianna won last night. Josh & Ang came in next, and like usual, Richard & I were lagging behind. Despite having shared the most years together of anyone around the table. But what I love about the game is hearing why the other players chose the cards they did. It's fascinating. For example, last night one topic was "male" and almost everyone laid out their card of the male lion, but that never ever entered my mind. Another topic was "age" and someone laid the beach card. Why?! Because when you are aged, you can afford beach vacations or a move to the sunny south. Hmm. Interesting. Maybe I'm weird but I love watching how other people think. I can learn so much from others. It would sure simplify life if everyone thought like me, but it would also make for a narrow-minded population, wouldn't it? 
The subtitle on the game box says "Do great minds really think alike?" Richard & I just laugh. According to this game we're completely incompatible, but we have more than 25 years under our belt, as well as 3 great kids and the world's most amazing granddaughter together. We say we're compatible even if we think wildly different.
Come over sometime and we'll play Compatibility with you. You're almost guaranteed to win. 😄 
                 

Blogging

   Reportedly one of the signs of getting older is not being able to get a full night of sleep. I’m not sure at what point one officially classifies as “getting older” because the last time I checked, we’re all doing that from the moment we’re born. However, I will admit to being closely acquainted with insomnia at this time in my life. You could say we’re on a first name basis. The point is- what does one do with those hours of one’s life when we can’t sleep but are not ambitious enough to be upright & productive?

   I tend to entertain myself by writing elaborate blog posts in my head. They sound brilliant and funny and fascinating at 3am, but in broad daylight all brilliance vanishes. That’s why you haven’t read any of them here. I keep talking myself out of writing them down. No one wants to read that junk, no one cares what you think, I tell myself the morning after.

   Here’s the thing I wrestle with- other writers have a point to their blog. They write step-by-step directions for wonderful recipes we might want to try… they write deep theological stuff that inspires us… they write adorable things their children do and say to preserve it… I am none of those things. The only point to my blog is giving my out-of-state family a chance to see photos of our latest trip (and read what all went wrong this time around!) or whatever major event is going on in our lives. For roughly half my family that actually read blogs. And about a dozen other non-relatives that drop by once in a while to see what we’re up to, presumably. 400 hits is about as viral as it ever gets around here.  

   And that other thing that nags at me- there is the idea floating around out there that if one blogs, one should write with some sort of regularity. The only thing I write with regularity is my journal, checks, and a grocery list. None of which would interest the general public. I've been counseled to write what you know about. (Don't even get me start on Amish fiction authors! Puh-lease!) Case in point- my last blog post, which practically wrote itself. Bottom line- we just aren't that interesting of people, don't have that much to write about regularly.   

   I’ve discovered the one way to increase my readership is to put a link to my blog on FaceBook. If you make it handy, they will come. (Very “Field of Dreams”-ish.) But it always seems a little pretentious to me. I have a love/hate relationship with self-promotion. Liking that someone, anyone, bothers to read what I took the time to write vs. feeling foolish and uncomfortable with promoting myself. And of course, the unfortunate fact that the more one puts one’s self out there, the more chances there are of being misunderstood and criticized. I’ve been on a receiving end of writer’s backlash a couple times and I don’t care for it. I’m not on friendly terms with drama and conflict. So it becomes the ultimate dilemma for us introverts who are so much more comfortable with the written word vs. the spoken word –to write or not to write. That is the question. (Very Shakespearean.) 

   So there you have it. I was raised on the conventional wisdom “if you don’t have anything worthwhile to say, don’t say anything”. So I argue with myself regularly whether what I have to say is worthwhile or not. For now, ‘not worthwhile’ is coming out on top. And the things that crop up with alarming regularity -like laundry, cooking, cleaning, bookwork and the nearly hopeless job of catching up on 12 years’ worth of scrapbooking fill my daylight hours -ahead of blogging.   

   But I am rolling around some thoughts on the controversial subjects of finances and some of my religious beliefs… maybe if they percolate awhile longer they will brew into something of interest. But don't hold your breath.