It was a crushing disappointment for me when the job offered to JR recently didn't work out. Ever since my children were little I looked forward to the day they would grow up and be independent. I need more "down time" than some people and when my children were young I wondered if I could survive long enough to see them to adulthood. To have hope & a future almost within my grasp... then have it snatched away... well, I didn't handle that too well.
Wow! It showed me something about my sense of entitlement. And the ugly selfishness of my own heart.
If you have a child who got a good job right out of school, do not take the blessing for granted. If your children are growing up too fast do not wish you could keep them little longer. It is a blessing.
I have come to peace with the fact that the job was not right. It was an unacceptable environment. The other day while I was talking to a friend, it suddenly became very clear to me that the ultimate goal is to get him in a good environment, not to get him employed at all costs and lose his soul. That will take some time. Patience. I know in my head that God doesn't make mistakes (Aspergers is not an "opps") but my heart is having trouble wrapping around that at the moment. The 'what if' my heart is asking is 'what if he never becomes independant? Can I be ok with that?' Truely I long for the day in a better place when faith becomes sight- when I can see the blessings that elude me now.
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
