On Having a Birthday

I was going to thank everyone on FaceBook for the birthday messages, but it got rather too long so I'm expounding here.

I really wasn't expecting much excitement on my birthday. You see, my parents came for the weekend to help celebrate and they took us out to eat Friday evening. I chose a restaurant we had never gone to before -simply because I wanted to sample the beef that stares at me when I take my walks back Quiet Lane. (They advertise "Farm to Table Dining -only locally raised beef"... which happens to roam the pasture behind our house!) I must say it was the best steak I've had in a long time! Thanks, Dad.
   Saturday was our annual school benefit auction. Putting me at the cashier's table is like handing out Smarties after church- 'giving candy to a baby' and all that. Thanks, Kaufman Auctions.

This year each of the school's classrooms assembled a gift basket which was auctioned off. And R, being the awesome man he is, purchased the "Spoiling Mom" basket for my birthday gift. 

[foot spa, slippers, assorted soaps & lotions, candle, chocolates, journal]

Not to worry- I purchased the grilling basket for his belated birthday gift.

   On Sunday, my parents, along with JS's girlfriend and her family, joined us for a lunch of [John F Martin] smoked turkey and my long-time favorite, Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Thanks, Lynn, for carving.

   I felt celebrated and expected Monday to be my normal office day. 

  But first there was breakfast in bed by A.- 

 [Nutella stuffed French toast & tea]

That's not all. She set aside her homework after school to make yummy chicken enchiladas and Rach cakes for me. 

JS and girlfriend brought me flowers & a big box of chocolates. Melt me. 

   JR came home from his first day of a new job and sought me out to tell me all about it. Maybe it's just me, but I love when my children come looking for me when they get home and tell me about their day. 

   And at the end of the day, A. set up a relaxing spa in the living room and gave me the royal treatment. Feet as soft as a baby's bottom and all that.  

And throughout the day there were many texts and FB messages wishing me many happy returns of the day. Does it get any better than this? Excuse me while I wallow in being middle aged. 

16 Things to Know at 16

16 years ago on this day I heard the words for the first & only time "It's a girl!" We took one look at our 5 lb. 7 oz. bundle of pink with a head full of dark hair and were smitten. A daughter added a whole new dimension to our world. And God saw that it was good.

Miss A, you are entering the adult world now. You are going to start going places and doing things without me. I won't be there to help you navigate through all of life's situations- you will have to figure out how it's done on your own sometimes now. Like how to use a drive-through window and how to pump gas. I compiled a list of 16 things I want you to know on your 16th birthday...

1. Reading is essential. I'm immensely pleased that you love good books. It's okay to enjoy the movie version of stories... but always read the book first. And believe the book was better.

2. Those impossibly happy people in commercials, billboards, and magazine ads and that perky salesclerk in the store are being paid to look that happy. If you don't need what they are selling, don't buy it. It won't make you happier or cooler.  

3. You should never intentionally make someone's life more difficult. Anyone's. This means, among many other things, be kind to the waitress who serves you (and leave a respectable tip), leave your motel room in decent shape when checking out, pull away from the gas pump as soon as you can if someone is waiting behind you, and put away your shopping cart at the store. 

4. Your self-worth should never be determined by whether or not someone likes you. If people are taking time out of their day to talk about you behind your back, it proves that you are already far more interesting than they are. 

5. Tell me where you are going when you leave home. And what time you expect to get back. I am your mother; I deserve to know these things. Always carry a cell phone with you, but don't ever text & drive! Find a safe place to pull over if you must answer a text right away.  

6. Your youth is a ticket you can only cash once. Don't waste it yearning for the next phase; enjoy the now. There is plenty of time to have a job after you get out of school, plenty of time to be married after you've traveled/been in VS, etc.

7. Treat your body with respect. You will get old quick enough without wearing your body out prematurely. This means wear sunscreen, lift properly, eat healthy, drink enough water, etc. Trust me, your thighs won't always look like they do at 16. 

8. It's okay to cry. Hormones are a beast. Sometimes you will feel like crying and won't even know why. Find a safe place and cry when you need to.  

9. High School is a big deal. You gotta get in there and do it. Finish what you start. Even when you don't feel like it. But as long as you do your best, that's all we expect. Don't sweat the less-than-perfect grades. 

10. Your friends are going to change. It happens to all of us. The girl who was our best friend in Kindergarten might not be the one we hang out with most in the youth group, and our children may not even know the BFF who was maid-of-honor at our wedding. That isn't a bad thing, it just means that as you grow the things you love change. Sometimes the change hurts, sometimes it just a gradual drifting apart. Just be prepared for it. 

11. Be you. That's a lot easier said than done, because you are going to feel pressured to be something you're not. Just know that no matter what I like you and I am cheering you on. 

12. Don't reciprocate meanness. I wish no one would ever be rude to you, but that isn't reality. So when someone is mean to you, don't be mean back. Whether it's the driver behind you with road rage or the kid at school. It's just not worth it and it doesn't make you feel any better.

13. It's almost never about you. When people act in a way that hurts or makes you feel insecure, it is almost certainly about something happening inside of them, and not about you. You can know that in your head and still have your heart sliced in pieces. Believe me, I'm still learning this one. 

14. The internet can be a cruel place. You can't control what others post, but you can use it responsibly and kindly yourself. Think before you post. Never electronically send anything you wouldn't want printed on the front page of the newspaper. Whether it's words or photos. About yourself or about anyone else. (Even if you delete it, it can still be found.) 

15. Don't ever make a fool of yourself chasing a guy. The right one will find you. If/when one breaks your heart, I will be right here, hurting with you.   

16. I am here for you. I always have time for you. Chances are if you are going through it, your mother did, too. So ask my advice and/or tell me all the details. If it seems like I'm too busy or too tired when you have something important to say, you have permission to get my attention or wake me up. I can't promise I will always be wide awake and focused right away, but you are important to me. You can tell me anything, any time. 

You go, girl! Happy Birthday to my favorite daughter!

Love. Mom 

 

A's 16th Birthday Party

When you only have 1 daughter, and that daughter is turning 16, it's time to throw a big surprise birthday party!

My week was consumed with working frantically on preparations while she was at school, then hide all the evidence and make it appear like I was getting "normal" stuff done. There were a few slip-ups and I was losing faith that it was actually a surprise. Like the day I felt so pleased to have baked a lot of cupcakes, hidden all the evidence, and sneaking them into the church/school practically under her nose... only to have her come home, sniff and ask if I had been baking. Oops! (Pride goes before a fall.) I was counting on her tendency to be "blonde" to work in our favor but wasn't convinced -since it appeared she was looking for a party. 

Some Miller aunts & a cousin pitched in to do a fabulous job of decorating... 

With a surprise party, the big question is always how to get the birthday person out of the house and to the party. JS's girlfriend took charge of that department for us. She invited A to help with a photo shoot -to get the attention of the kiddos. Which fortunately A agreed to do without hesitation. There was time to kill after the photo shoot, so they went to get a frappe. Then A was told the youth are playing volleyball at the church. Which they were. Except the server hollered "game point" when she walked onto the sidelines, then family came streaming out of the church and yelled "Surprise!" Confused Miss A looked around to see who was being surprised. (I missed capturing the moment recognition dawned on her face seconds before this photo below.)

 

We did it! We totally surprised her!

I think I am as surprised [that we pulled it off] as she was.

The only clue that registered with her was that I was deleting texts off my phone as soon as they came in, a little unusual.

We had salties, cupcakes, ice cream & sparkling apple drink.

Cupcake flavors were apple spice with salted caramel frosting, pumpkin with vanilla frosting, chocolate cream cheese with Nutella frosting.  

Poor Miss A was full from the frappe so she could hardly enjoy the party food.

We had around 60 guests turn out. Another surprise to A how many people cared enough to show up.

The Paris photo booth was a definite hit! 

Even the guys posed.

 Ooh la la indeed!

 with [missions trip] friends

 with classmates

 with big sister aka brother's girlfriend

 aunt & uncle

 with cousin & friends

 with aunts

 with mom

 with dad

with brothers

 Even Grandpa & Grandma got in on the action!

 So many lovely gifts, if only I could open them without so many people looking over my shoulder she thinks. 

The youth group knows her fairly well. 

So many of the gifts given are "totally A".  

A, you are growing into a beautiful young lady. Spread your wings and fly! May God bless your year with many fun & beautiful adventures.

School Schedule -to Dread or Not to Dread

It's back to school time.
Already.
Our summer disappeared while we invested copious amounts of time & energy into the missions trip. We kept saying "we'll do that after the missions trip". Well... when we got home from Canada, we had only one month of summer left and a long list of things to do. 2 of those weeks slipped away while we tried to catch up on sleep and neglected household chores. Amazingly enough, we did get most of the list crossed off. And now here we are -ready or not.

These young ladies have been doing first days together since Kindergarten and have 1 more to go! Hopefully this will be A's last full year as a student and she will finish by Christmas her senior year.

I used to dread the start of the school year. I hated packing lunches. I hated having to get out of bed at a certain time every morning. (And getting to bed at a decent hour evenings.) As good as structure is for us, I don't much care for it at 7a.m.! I hated driving in bad weather to shuttle them to & from school. And supervising homework. 

But I don't dread the school schedule like I used to.  We only have 1 on the school schedule anymore. She gets herself up in the morning and gets ready on her own. She packs her own lunch. She does her homework with minimal input. She takes responsibility to get to bed on time. And in just a few short weeks, she will even drive herself to & from. Yay! The perks of having older children. The only thing left to adjust to is not having her help around the house during the day.   

Canada Mission Trip -Part 3

Day 7 -Thursday- was our day off to go fishing. JS's #1 highlight. 

 It takes some doing to organize a large group & 4 boats. 

That results in waiting around for said group.

(And why exactly are the guys the ones "laying out" while we wait?) 

So. much. fun. #worththewait 

 A. almost didn't go along, then she was the one reelin' 'em in

- for this boat anyway.

 Yes, I did catch a couple walleye. And no, I don't mind touching fish. 

This is the one that almost got away. Slippery booger. 

I cut my finger on the gill trying to keep hold of it long enough for a picture. 

(Don't worry, I evened the score at suppertime.)

(And yes, I did eat a sandwich after this despite the fish smell on my hands. No hand sanitizer.)

I am more of a fisherwoman than my son gives me credit for! 

Then the rain starts and out come the orange trash bags we bought for rain ponchos.

Hey, don't laugh; they work pretty good.

 3 hours & 50-some fish later, and a shower that didn't blow over quickly...

we sped back to the dock and some of the group called it quits.

The hard core fishermen went back out to fish in the rain. 

A's luck changed and she didn't catch much. 

JS's luck also changed and he caught this-

26.5" walleye! 

Appropriate that he should be the one to get the biggest fish of the day.

The plan was to do a shore lunch. Fillet & fry the fish right there on the shore. Cook baked beans in the can over the fire like the natives would do. But the rain... flexibility, flexibility.  

 Plan B- fillet & fry in the garage instead...

 ...with neighbors to show us how it's done authentically.

(And claim the fish heads we Americans throw out.)

 This is the makings of a rained out Shore Lunch-

fried fish with tarter sauce, potatoes, baked beans and bannock.

(What I wouldn't give for some of P's raisin or sweet bannock about now!)

JR, who does NOT fish under any circumstances, stayed behind that day to mow lawns and other chores for our hosts. With the shore lunch getting rained out, he never did get his boat ride.

*********************

Day 8 -Friday- most of the men went fishing again. They ate all the fish they caught, for lunch when they got back. Nothing like fresh fish! 

I went along with our hosts to a funeral on a reserve. For the cultural experience. I found out what "Indian time" is. 

The rest of the group did some cleaning and assorted odd jobs -like making these posters.

 Then we explored the stores & shops of Sioux Lookout. 

This is one awesome little coffee shop!

I, being nostalgic of my first trip to Canada as a child, was in the market for a pair of moccasins. But alas when I found ones in my size I didn't care for the beadwork design. We purchased Kit-Kat bars (of a chunky variety that are unavailable in the USA). JR & A also purchased souvenir shirts and JS a souvenir hat. Netting us some leftover loonies & toonies for additional souvenirs.

While the guys cleaned the vans for the return trip (unbelievable how much sand gets drug into vehicles!)...

 the girls prepared the food...

...and it was a birthday cookout for the lovely lady in blue (daughter of our host family).

 Next we went to the dump to look for bears.

There were 2 out when we arrived but they promptly retreated into the bush.

And the youth promptly bailed out of the vans.

 R & I were fairly sure the bears wouldn't come back out with so many humans in the vicinity, but the smaller one did emerge and resume rooting through the trash.

How close can we get? they said, easing forward toward the bear.  

Quite close actually.

Does anyone else feel just slightly apprehensive that all these youth are milling around freely in the bear's territory? Could be slightly awkward to explain to the parents how we allowed their kid to get mauled by a bear... 

Is it poised to charge? they asked.

(Nope, just urinating.) Hey, can't a bear get any privacy around here?!

Almost as fascinating as the bears, was the trash. The folks in this generation of this culture have not retained their "living off the land" heritage. Nor do they come from our thrifty German "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" heritage. Not wrong, just different.

Then it was off to the lake for one last beautiful Northern sunset. 

How can guys stand on a rocky shore like this and not skip stones? 

JS's handiwork

 Awe-inspiring beauty! Doesn't it just make you want to say "Good job, God!"?

    

Then it was back to the house to load up as much of the luggage as possible into the minivan, which was departing early in the morning for the airport.

**********************

Day 9 -Saturday- it was time for good-byes. 

Our hosts did an outstanding job! Of making our time in the north interesting, fun, busy, memorable.
It was awesome to get a taste of their world. 

 Quick stop for a last group photo...

...just in time before the sky broke loose with yet another rain shower.

Eager to get the long drive over with. 

Yup, that's the direction we want to go!

And about that time every one's phone started chiming with incoming texts that piled up while we were out of the country. 

 In spite of hearing it can be more difficult crossing back into the USA than getting into Canada, we crossed in about 10 minutes. From the custom official's response, I don't think she gets very many 15 passenger van loads on her watch. :) The only real question she asked is where all our luggage is. First we said there is a storage box attached to the back of the van. She said "Wow! You guys travel light!" so we 'fessed up that another van crossed ahead of us with most of our luggage. 

JS did quite a bit of driving on the way home.

 Around 11pm we hit a traffic jam. R has an app on his tablet that we used on this trip to keep track of traffic flow. We estimate the accident happened about 1 minute ahead of us. We had just switched drivers because we had a sleepy driver. So, so very grateful it wasn't one of our vans involved in the crash!
What happened next was something we have never seen before in our lives! The police moved the 2 lanes of traffic as far to the outside as possible and created a center lane down the middle of interstate going the opposite direction. Traffic was routed back to the previous exit and detoured around the scene. Isn't that just the oddest thing to have headlights coming at you from both sides?

The amusing irony was we detoured right through the WI Dells. We had talked about stopping there to break up the monotony of driving -get out and stretch/hike a bit. But both times we drove through that area after dark. So while we really didn't see anything besides motels & water parks at midnight, we can say we were at the WI Dells! 

***********************

After driving all day Saturday, all night... Day 10 -Sunday- we drove some more. R's eyes were totally red & bloodshot when we stopped for breakfast, so he slept and I was driving when we crossed over into the Buckeye state.  

 We were 1 hour from home when we got word that one of the girl's grandma had passed away. We knew the chances were good she might pass while we were on this trip but had been praying about the timing. We didn't have a backup plan but were prepared to come up with one if needed. Thank God we were almost home instead of 22 hours away!

At 11:30am, after 26 hours of driving, we pulled into the church parking lot. Welcomed by parents and a few close friends. Not wanting to attract the attention of the entire congregation when we were exhausted and less-than-fresh, we quickly & quietly sorted out our luggage and departed for home.  

On a side note: we did travel to the calling hours for the girl's grandma 2 days later. Even though I had to shudder at the thought of more hours in a van. In 12 days time, we traveled more than 3300 miles and spent 60.5 hours on the road. A month later, we're still not ready to think about taking a trip! It will be awhile till we recover.

We get asked the same questions repeatedly.

Did we have a good time? Yes. 

Are we glad we went? Yes. 

Would we do it again? or When are we going to do it again? Maybe. I don't know.

I suppose the best way to learn how to do something is to jump in and do it. Experience is the best teacher, they say. So we jumped in as greenhorns and learned as we went. We would do several things different next time. Definitely. We went into it with no idea that the opportunities for missions trips were not there for our kids -not because no one ever tried, but because others had tried and given up in the face of similar opposition. There have been those kind souls who have thanked us for "breaking the ice" and "paving the way" for future trips. I never intended to be a pioneer, but we have come to an understanding that we need to give ourselves grace for the lack of experience, for things we could handle better next time. 

   The "negative publicity" still makes me sad. I wish we could've gotten here without that. It's like this- when you have a bad experience with something, let's say a root canal, it's not easy to shake it off. For the rest of your life when you hear the words "root canal", you cringe. That's what the words "missions trip" do to me now. In the thick of the drama we said "never again!" More than once R & I looked at each other and said "let's just get through this and shake the dust off." But then a kind friend reminded me "Better not tell God that." [He has a way of making you "eat" your words.]  

   For me, the break-through came after the 2nd kids club. I thought over the day and I got tears in my eyes. I said to myself this. this is it! this is what I wanted the youth to experience. This is why i kept fighting to make it happen when the going got tough. For R, the break-through came when we did a recap the last evening -each one of the youth shared their highlight of the week and what the trip did for them personally. To hear that- somehow it made all the effort worthwhile. Maybe, just maybe, some day we will have the courage to try again. 

  Just the other day I read a quote by Thomas Paine "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly." Maybe the whole purpose of the drama was to make us grateful. If everything had fallen into place the way I originally envisioned, would we appreciate the trip? 

To God be the glory!