Christmas Program '11

Drawing JS did for the school Christmas program last evening-

The original was done with chalk, but for some reason it didn't show up under the black light very well, so they switched him to this paint. This was his first time drawing in front of an audience. We're proud of him.  

20 Years & Counting

20 years ago today R & I tied the knot. Happy Anniversary, Honey!

Looking at my life
Through the eyes of a young girl growing older all the time,
Maybe just a little wiser
I can clearly see
All my mistakes keep coming back to visit me
Pointing out the roads not taken
So much I'd like to change but one thing I'd do the same

I'd choose you again, I'd choose you again
If God gave me the chance to do it all again
Oh, I'd carefully consider every choice and then
Out of all the boys in the world
I'd choose you again

Times weren't always good
Seems like the Lord gave all the easy parts away
But every time the road got rocky
You'd look at me and say
Had all you needed long as I was there with you
You're the reason I kept going
If I could start my life anew
The first thing that I would do

I'd choose you again, I'd choose you again
If God gave me the chance to do it all again
Oh, I'd carefully consider every choice and then
Out of all the boys in the world
I'd choose you again

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On Turning 40

The unadorned truth is... I turned 40 years old in October. What was true at 30 is still true at 40- I am pretty much the youngest in crowd we hang out with, so reaching a milestone has the feeling of catching up rather than cresting the infamous hill. Milestone birthdays call for extra celebrations, so here is how my big number has been honored.

1. The day before my birthday I was informed by a certain offspring that when I wake up in the morning I will be an old lady. I think I missed the transformation. Truth be told, sometimes I feel old, sometimes I feel young... so I'm glad to have that little matter clarified.

2. This old lady woke up to find it raining and deemed it the perfect day to sit around binding a quilt that has been on my to-do list for several months. My dear husband went to some inconvenience to purchase a Cricut machine for me, and picked up some chocolate truffles for A. to give. My family escorted me to Olive Garden for a lovely evening off from kitchen duty and a delicious meal of Chicken Riggottoni, without getting them to do that noisy song & dance routine.

3. The weekend following my birthday, my parents came for our school benefit auction. My dad, bless his heart, planned the menu and brought the food for Friday evening- pizza, wings, a special kind of chips from my hometown, and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Me 'n' DQ cakes go back a long way. I had actually gone into the local DQ to buy myself a cake, thinking I wouldn't get one otherwise, only to find their stock at the moment was primarily ghastly-looking halloween designs, so I walked out empty-handed.

4. The Tuesday after my birthday the Miller ladies took me out to eat. We went to a little one-of-a-kind restaurant for lunch; it must be one of the last places in the USA that serves reasonable-sized entrees to where us small people actually have room for dessert. Yea for hot fudge sundaes! Afterwards I tagged along with them to do some shopping, which is always an experience. (Between being thrifty and not having had sisters to share the experience with, I just never aquired the skill of shopping like they have. I am not a snappy dress-er so I shop for sweaters like a man and I'm totally clueless about "trying on" purses!)  
Not that it has anything to do with my birthday, but I spent that evening tramping through the woods helping JS blood trail a deer he shot. This time we had a successful recovery. His first doe harvest with bow. Who would have guessed that I would cheerfully do these things at 40?!

5. This past weekend was a party with my circle of close girlfriends. Being the last of the group to turn 40, I knew we would do a slumber party of some sort. I was told in advance when to be ready and what to bring but not where we were going. I'm usually a minimalist when packing but it takes extra stuff when the details are vague.
Here's where the real story starts: I was blindfolded and helped into a vehicle. I discovered my sense of direction is better than I expected- I was accurate in my assessment of where I was a fair portion of the time, but my sense of trust needs some polishing. I realized I have grown so used to being the 2nd set of eyes for my teen drivers that it felt uncomfortable to sit back and trust someone else completely.   
   During our meandering along the scenic route- an unfamiliar dirt road, which had the desired result of confusing me about where I was, I felt the first twinges of carsickness. Eventually we got on an interstate; I reoriented to our location and the smooth sailing eased the carsickness. When we exited interstate, I thought we were headed to a certain cabin, but then we turned the opposite direction. All the stop & go of town driving brought the carsickness back with a vengence. My fine escorts told me to remove the blindfold, but I knew doing so would ruin the surprise. I was just stubborn enough to try tough it out. I was concentrating on not throwing up so I didn't give any more thought to where we were. Upon arrival at our destination and removing the blindfold, I discovered I was also dizzy. So dizzy that it took several long seconds for me to recognize my friend's house. No, I wasn't one bit disappointed with the location- I was just trying hard not to throw up! I'm told I was quite "green" when I exited the vehicle. Hey, it makes a hilarous story to blog about!
   What followed was a lovely night of Subway subs, salted caramel mocha latte cake, scrapbooking, Enchanted April discussions, cuddling the baby, being brought up to speed on all the finer traits of modern cloth diapering [lol], fire in the fireplace, tea & hot chocolate, dark chocolate, blessings and gifts. Ah, my friends know me well!! Maybe if they keep giving me colorful scarves and other trendy clothes -combined with A's fashion sense- maybe, just maybe, some day I will actually be able to step out in style. We can always hope! [Disclaimer: That was not a bid for more gifts. It is a compliment to my classy friends. Time will tell if the adage is true "you get like the people you are around". Like I said, I can always hope.] We stayed up till 3AM -quite a feat for "old" ladies like us. And finished off with Bob Evans for breakfast.

I've asked if that is it...if there's nothing else I can look forward to. My philosophy is half the fun of something is looking forward to it. There are a few friends in more distant places with whom I was hoping to catch up. Hillcrest alumni, anyone? So far no dice. Trying to decide if my expectations are too high or if I should continue to live expectantly. At what point should one feel celebrated enough? Oh well, we have a 20th anniversary coming up in a few weeks that I can look forward to celebrating! :)  [Disclaimer #2 I am not complaining. It's more about when does one let their guard down? I so hate being shocked, being robbed of the joy of looking forward to things. If anyone has a secret to let me in on, you know where to reach me. haha]        

Disappointment

"What if your blessings come through raindrops?" seems rather appropriate lyrics for this rainy morning. I've actually added this song "Blessings" to my blog because it puts to music what we're dealing with right now.
   It was a crushing disappointment for me when the job offered to JR recently didn't work out. Ever since my children were little I looked forward to the day they would grow up and be independent. I need more "down time" than some people and when my children were young I wondered if I could survive long enough to see them to adulthood. To have hope & a future almost within my grasp... then have it snatched away... well, I didn't handle that too well.

   Wow! It showed me something about my sense of entitlement. And the ugly selfishness of my own heart.

   If you have a child who got a good job right out of school, do not take the blessing for granted. If your children are growing up too fast do not wish you could keep them little longer. It is a blessing.

   I have come to peace with the fact that the job was not right. It was an unacceptable environment. The other day while I was talking to a friend, it suddenly became very clear to me that the ultimate goal is to get him in a good environment, not to get him employed at all costs and lose his soul. That will take some time. Patience. I know in my head that God doesn't make mistakes (Aspergers is not an "opps") but my heart is having trouble wrapping around that at the moment. The 'what if' my heart is asking is 'what if he never becomes independant? Can I be ok with that?' Truely I long for the day in a better place when faith becomes sight- when I can see the blessings that elude me now. 
    

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Random Bits of Our August

I was asked today what I'm good at. Hmm. Isn't that the million dollar question? All I could come up with spur of the moment was "being a mom". Some days I'm sure it's one of my greatest failures. But today I'm feeling a bit more confident. I took all 3 of my offspring school shopping yesterday and we had a reasonably pleasant time of it. Teen 1 was able to ride quietly along without back-seat-driving, teen 2- who passionately hates to shop- was able to look at clothes without complaining because we allowed him to retreat to the van the moment he was finished making his selections, and lil' Miss Pre-teen didn't beg for everything that caught her fancy. Dare I hope some day they may actually "rise up and call me blessed"?

Teen 2 is recovering from a very painful bout of swimmer's ear that got out of hand. I'm reminded -again- to take it serious when he complains of pain because it's worse than he let's on.

We have been shopping around for a newer camper. For 2 years. With a very small budget. A couple weeks ago we found out about a travel trailer for sale locally that is in our price range. 10 years newer than the pop-up we have. A few minor repairs and a LOT of elbow grease later, we now have a "new" RV. Can't wait to try it out. It's lacking a Master Bed, but you gotta sacrifice something with our size of budget. (Somehow we can't justify spending much on a pleasure item we use a couple times per year when there are folks who are starving.)

I feel like I could write a Dr Suess book- The Hat Book. If I could just find the time. So many hats, so little time! I held off accepting the position of school secretary for fear of suddenly finding myself with more hats than I can possibly wear. Within days of committing, I became aware of 2 other new "hats" I'm about to have bestowed upon me [Sewing committee, Sun. School Teacher], in addition to the ones I already possess. I wish people would stop asking me "So what do you keep busy with these days?" like I have nothing to do now that my children are older!

Meanwhile, the basement is still a DRS project and the first day of school looms ever closer. (At my age, school means losing my helper.) And I plug away at the family cookbooks every spare moment; I need to complete 1 per month and so far I'm slightly behind schedule. These things make me feel on the verge of frantic.

So that sums up our August thus far. Totally random, rather boring stuff. I love my stage of life!

The End of the Line

My youngest brother got married on Saturday. This is the end of the line- the last sibling wedding for us. I was the first in my family to get married. While it was a nuisance to have all those brothers around home when I was dating, it has been fun to watch each of them fall in love.

Not too long before this lovely lady came on the scene, my brother & I had a lengthy conversation that included the question "How do you know when it's the right one?" If he was hoping for something more profound, I could not put it into words any better than his buddy; we gave identical answers- "you just know".  And now he knows.

This is also the end of the line for me acquiring sisters. I always hoped my brothers would find wives who could be the sisters I never had. It hasn't been automatic camaraderie with any of them, but I'm excited to slowly be building closer bonds with some of my sisters-in-law. Like my youngest nephew in this photo, I give this one a thumbs up!  

A. was a guest registrar. She was a little nervous about speaking to so many strangers, but she did just fine.

R. & I were the reception Host & Hostess. I guess it went OK, but I had a blonde moment when I totally blanked out and couldn't think of the name of an extended family member and had to ask (horrors!), plus embarrassed myself again by admitting I couldn't distinguish between 2 of my cousins (brothers). But all in all, it went smooth getting people seated quickly.    

To see a few more pictures of the big day, you can check out my mom's blog here.

It seems like the whole summer has been a whirlwind of activity, getting ready for this wedding- sewing, making the family cookbook, etc. Now it's over and we can get on with summer. To my dismay, there are only 3 weeks of summer left before school starts again!! And those weeks are going to be chock full of school sewing & shopping, basement spring[?] cleaning, cookbook making, etc. It will surely be the shortest summer in history!     

My 90 Minutes of Fame

   I keep a mental list of things I would like to do some day before I die. I never took time to commit it to paper because it's rather fluid ie. ever changing & growing as new opportunities arise and my interests change.
   One item on my list- ride in a limo. Check.

Last evening the Miller family had a special occasion to celebrate, namely the 70th birthday of the family matriarch. One of the items on her hope-to-do-this-before-I-die list was a limo ride. We were invited to join in the surprise fulfilment of her wish. It was a privilege and a pleasure!

That's an 18 passenger super stretch Hummer limo. (Only a few inches shorter than our semi trailers, in case anyone cares.) Yes, it had all the accessories, including the neon lights inside. We got the white glove treatment and sipped sparkling fruit juices on ice in goblets as we motored along, enjoying our pretend celebrity status.

The Guest of Honor

We dined at Olive Gardens, one of my favorite restaurants. It was fun to be on the inside watching folks' reaction to this huge limo pulling up to the door. Might have been even funnier to be able to read their thoughts when the "Amish" started baling out. I would have been amazed myself- I've never seen so many people get out of a limo before.

   A. thinks it's sweet that she got her first limo ride at age 11 when yours truly had to wait almost 40 years for one. JS. is making plans to hire a limo for the senior class at graduation in a couple years (thanks a lot BIL for planting such an expensive idea in his head!) R. is contemplating taking up limo driving as his next job.

It was a delightful evening, but all good things must come to an end. Especially when the meter is ticking. And you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, so we're back to being ordinary folks again.

   So... now that I've crossed another item off my list, I am wondering what I should wish for next. I have a milestone birthday coming up in the fall. With such a generous family as I've married into, I hope I can come up with something good. :) I've already done the hot air balloon ride, slept in a castle... hmm, the 6-week trip out west in a motor home might be a little too presumptuous... and the brilliant idea that came to me in my dreams last night has escaped me in the daylight. But I have 3 months to study on it.  

   

  



Student Driver

Evidence that a new driver hit the roads this week-

I'm trying to decide if son #2 is a better beginning driver than his older brother was or if I just have a thicker skin to teenage driving now. Probably the later. No door handle gripping or floorboard stomping.

But what I really want to know is why they ask a 15 1/2 year old if his driving privileges have ever been suspended, revoked, etc. What driving privileges would that be? Tricycle? Bicycle?   

Graduation!

   We did it! By the grace of God and with the prayers of family & friends, I managed to homeschool our firstborn through Jr High & High School. Friday evening we had a little graduation service for him, jointly with the school, and awarded him his High School diploma.

   I'm biased, but I believe we had a very nice service. We're pioneers blazing a trail- the first to pull a student out of the school here and homeschool. It's not always easy to be the first at something, to shake things up, so we didn't know what kind of response we would get to the service we chose to have. We appreciate the principal's support and the parents of the other seniors for allowing us to join their party. We are so pleased with the family members who were able to travel from out of state to celebrate with us, as well as the local family & friends who came to show their support. We are also very proud of him for making a speech- something he originally said he wouldn't do.

   I don't have very many pictures yet; I didn't take many snapshots - thank God for the hired photographer covering the event, capturing the things I missed! I felt stretched a little thin -I couldn't take more than a few steps all evening before being stopped by someone else who wanted to extend congratulations.    

He got very nice gifts and a quite a bit more cash than I ever expected.    

These are the classmates that he went to elementary school with.

The other 2 wearing corsages also graduated Friday evening.  

   Having a son graduate brings up some interesting feelings. It honestly doesn't feel that long since I was the senior. Where has the time gone? I felt a real sense of pride & accomplishment, too. I used to say I would never homeschool. To be truthful, there were days when I resented being tied down with homeschooling and wondered if we'd survive spending so much time together. But we learned together- not only academia, but also about homeschooling options/styles and each other. Eventually I understood the beauty of homeschooling- the ability to tailor the curriculum to the student. Homeschooling was a good experience and I would do it again. I wouldn't trade the relationship we have for all the free time I would've gained by sending him to school. (Take courage, homeschool moms!) Only one thing mars the excitement of graduation- that he does not have a job yet. We continue to pray for God to open doors to employment. God has led us faithfully in so many things and He can do this, too. 

   Because we were so crazy busy in the past few weeks, I'm glad it's behind us. We're rewarding ourselves by taking it easy this week.   

Spring Flowers

My theme right now is Blessings in Disguise.  A blessing behind our very soggy April is that we have an abundance of violets in our lawn. It's too wet to mow, so they are not getting chopped off before they have a chance to bloom. I had no idea there are so many! This is just a small sampling...

When we remodeled, our best flowerbeds got dug up. The topsoil was saved and later spread around behind the house. Now we have flowers cropping up in funny places. Love the reminder to bloom where you're planted.

Love Bleeding Hearts! Besides their delicate beauty, they remind me of my loved ones in Heaven.

When we got our post-remodel landscaping done, someone shared this little nugget about plants with me- "First year they sleep. Second year they creep. Third year they leap." This is our 3rd year and the saying seems to be holding true. I'm delighted that my peonies are "leaping" again. Of course, not having kittens chewing on the stalks like they are catnip or something probably has something to do with the thriving! The jury is still out on the hydrangeas (below) though; they might need moved to a less sunny location to really thrive.

Best of all, the lilacs that had to be transplanted during "the remodel" decided to adapt to their new environment after all. They are blooming their lil hearts out right now, in a spindly kind of way. :) So glad I didn't give in to unbelief and let the men whack them off. Love, love lilacs!

Autism Awareness

   What do you know about Autism? April is Autism Awareness Month. Probably not that significant unless you are one of the lives touched by Autism.
   We were recently interviewed about our journey parenting a child with a disability. One of the questions put to us was "What do you wish people knew about JR beyond his diagnosis?" I've done quite a bit of thinking about that. One of the things I wish is for people around us to know more about Aspergers. When you can recognize behavior as normal [for someone with Aspergers], it makes such a difference. It seems to me that it is our job then to educate people.
   Another thing I wish for people to know is how intelligent people with Aspergers are. It's easy to get distracted by the quirks and not see what lies beyond them. A classic absent-minded professor, if you will; lacking in social graces but really quite brilliant in their subjects of interest. Is it not true that the root word of Disability is Ability?

   It's been a number of years since I first found the writing "Welcome to Holland", but it's still the best description I've ever found.  

     WELCOME TO HOLLAND

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.


It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills.... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.


But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
 
   In our case, it took 10 very long years of searching for answers before we arrived at a correct diagnosis. It's only in the last 1.5 years that we are free to enjoy "Holland". I look back at the last year and am infinitely grateful for the smoother sailing. If we had only understood sooner... 
   The irony is that while life would have been less frustrating if we had the key to unlock our son sooner, there are advantages. In our ignorance, we pushed him to change behaviors and achieve things that were very difficult for him. Our ultimate triumph to date is his upcoming high school graduation. We've got a bright future!     

Dress Up Day

Yesterday was Dress up Day at our school. Judging by the comments of the camera-toting parents, it is a day we patrons both enjoy & stress over. In our household, the scholars simply can't make up their mind what they want to be until the last minute -when it's too late to assemble any sort of spectacular costume. We have some rather creative people so it's fun to see what everyone comes up with. I was not able to be there for the group photos, so here are a few snapshots from the morning.

Can you guess who these people represent? (Answers at the end.)

Photo 1- A. as a poor person. I should have taken a close-up so you could see the carefully applied cocoa "dirt". 

Photo 2- JS as James Harriott. He had a syringe & med bottles, which he labeled with drug names from the books... note his calf-pulling rope... a Yorkshire accent was part of his persona.  

Photo 3- M, the niece, as Amelia Bedelia. Love it!

Photo 4- these folks stole the show! They are the 4 Little Women & Marmie (A's teacher) along with their carriage driver & surrey. I'm told their costumes are rented from the local theater- I had no idea that could be done! 

Winter Break

    Of all the things we did this year during Winter Break, this is unanimously the favorite. We went to a ski slope several hours from our house on Saturday evening. The boys tried their skill at Snowboarding. The instructor confided in R. that JS is a natural. JR enjoyed it, too, although it wasn't as easy for him. R. hasn't been on skis in quite a few years but thoroughly enjoyed it again.

A. & I opted to play it a little safer and went over to the Tubing park. In spite of my best efforts to discover how one is supposed to attach the tickets to the little wire gizmo, I could not get a clear look at anyone else's in the vicinity. I finally just stuck them on; later I saw how it was supposed to be done- now I know for next time. We managed to get tubes and ride the lift to the top without making fools of ourselves. :)   

I asked the lady behind us what the system was -as there didn't appear to be any. She told me to just pick a line. We picked what appeared to be the shortest line. The employee manning that line waited until we reached the very front of the line to tell us we were in a 'kids only' line. We had to pick a new line and wait some more. My only consolation is that throughout the evening other adults made the same mistake. Honestly, there were no signs or anything to let us poor country bumpkins know!

The wait was quite long and things came to a complete stand-still at one point. I was starting to wonder if we had wasted $50! Turns out the precipitation misting down upon us was making the slope very slick and management had just put in force the no-hook-ups rule... only single tubes. In front of us where several families with very small children who were not able to ride alone. Eventually all the young fry were cleared off the mountain and the line started moving again. With no other choice, A. opted to brave it single file. One hour after arriving, we finally got our first 8 second ride! I wasn't sure what to expect when I caught up to A. at the bottom but she had a big grin on her face.      

We managed to ride the slopes a total of 5 times on our 3 hour ticket. We might have had time for one more but it was cutting it a little close, so we headed back to the ski slope and got pictures of the menfolk instead. Fortunately for us, we all walked away intact; the wailing ambulance was not for any of us.

I think we all agree we'll be doing this some more. Too bad the slope that used to be within sight of my parent's house is no longer there. I don't anticipate taking up skiing myself, but I'd be game for a ski vacation next winter. Of course, my idea of a fun ski vacation is hanging out in the lodging with a cup of hot cocoa and a book or crocheting.   

Of Food & Love

It has been a weekend about food & love.

On Saturday evening we took part in a fondue supper, compliments of tickets purchased at the school fundraiser auction last fall. Since A. loves this type of thing we bought a ticket for her; and since they were sold in pairs we ended up with a 4th ticket and she took a friend.

Lovely time, but I wonder if fondue messes with the memory? I don't remember eating very much of anything, but I came away feeling too full. We had 3 courses- cheese fondue, a broth (for meats & mushrooms), and chocolate fondue. Definitely worth every penny!  

On Sunday evening there was a Valentines banquet at our church. I was in the wrong line when they were handing out talent for decorating, but I still appreciate a job well done by others. Lovely atmosphere, despite our [normally] less-than-romantic fellowship hall! Baked potato bar... words fail me to describe the crowning glory- the dessert table. Let's just say I was a bit too full again. And we even had some Fudge Truffle Cheesecake leftover to bring home. Better yet, I avoided having to play the "shave the balloon" game; is there a phobia word for hating the sound of popping balloons? If there is, I have it. I was quite happy to help with clean up instead.

Yesterday -being the actual holiday- called for another celebration of food. We prefer to make a special meal to enjoy with our children at home rather than fight the crowds going out. A. decorated the table and I spent the day preparing food. A quick search on the internet yielded the idea for this awesome Chocolate Mousse Brownie Trifle.

My version is really quite simple. Consists of cubed brownies, mousse, whipped topping and fresh strawberries. Destined to become a family favorite.

My sweetheart broke tradition of avoiding overpriced roses and brought home 20 red roses- one for each year we've been together. Beauty on a stem.

We were the lucky winners of the babysitting prize last evening. A sweet niece we all love to cuddle. And what could be better than to play doll for a few hours and then send her home so we can enjoy a night of uninterrupted sleep?! Apparently our children have no memory of details like the internal clock that wakes a baby precisely when the family is sitting down to eat. The educational aspects of the experience did nothing to dim A's longings for a baby sister.

As I drifted to sleep last night, I ruminated on the differences between my life at present and what I expected it to look like by now. For one thing, we don't have life figured out; we still don't really know what we're doing. They say you can find anything on Google, but it hasn't helped with my life riddles yet! *The one thing I begged God repeatedly not to send my way is now a part of my life- a child with a disability. How He must have smiled at my shallowness! No, I can't handle it, but He can. I still don't want these shoes, but I wouldn't trade what we've learned along the way. *Does God have a sense of humor? Surely, because he sent us a son who loves to hunt. Me, who could have been voted in High School as the least likely to ever go hunting, bonding with a son in the fields. Who would have ever guessed I'd now have a camo dress? Too funny. *I couldn't imagine I would have a daughter who would be good at things I am not good at, like decorating and loving on babies. *I did not desire or expect to be so familiar with the D word. Depression. Nor realize how it spills over into all areas of one's life. *I could not imagine the friends who would migrate in & out of our lives. We have lost contact with a few, but we have maintained so many friendships. It gives me great pleasure when my children enjoy hanging out with our Hillcrest friends as much as we do. It makes me smile that my closest circle of friends includes 2 other ladies transplanted from my home state. *We had no idea that what we thought was love back then was really only the tip of the iceberg. Only a heavenly Father could know the right mate for me; mold and shape us until the time was right for us to meet and fall in love. I am blown away by the commitment that sustains us through thick & thin. No, my life doesn't look the way I thought it would, but in many ways it is infinitely better. 

"Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. 

Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden."   

Silence

The silence from my corner of the world is indication of activity, not a lack thereof. I am up to my neck in cookbooking again. My days consist of typing & formatting recipes, making recipes, & taking pictures of the results. Right now I have nothing to show for my effort besides a very large file on my laptop. From this -hopefully- a delightful family cookbook shall evolve not too many months hence.

Of Creative Accomplishments

There is something of a trend among the blogs I read at the present to post about their creative endeavors. On a whim, I posted a picture on FaceBook of my adorable new Miller niece wearing a dress I crocheted. I tend to view my creative accomplishments as hum-drum, nothing special or particularly news worthy, so the response to this picture on FB surprised me.

Crocheting is my stress reliever. In the spirit of Dr. Seuss... "I can do it in a car, I can do it in a plane, I can do it at the doctor's office, I can do it anywhere. I do so like pale yarn and hooks." Since I do a lot of preemie sized items, it fits nicely into my purse and I can pull out my current project whenever I have a few minutes to spare. Crocheting does not make me carsick like reading does, so it's a perfect distraction when we travel. A pair of booties can be whipped up in less than an hour, hats take only slightly longer; dresses & blankets provide longer entertainment. I hate sitting around with nothing to do, so this fills the need to keep the hands busy while the mind is otherwise occupied. What a temptation to sneak crocheting into church!! 

I do not remember how old I was when mom taught me to crochet, but I think it was somewhere in the region of 10-12yrs. I used to make full-sized afghans. During my yr. of VS, I had a burgundy/rose ripple afghan on my dorm bed -one of my earliest projects, and started on a matching navy/blue ripple for something to do during night shift. The man who is now my husband asked what the afghan is for. In my silly, sleep-deprived state of mind, and lacking a real reason, I announced that I was making his & hers afghans. He filed that piece of information away and at some point after we were engaged, he asked for 'his' afghan. We still have them.

Then I went through a period of life when the children were little that I didn't crochet much... too many messes when they would get a hold of the skeins of yarn. (Pulling yarn holds the same fascination as unrolling toilet paper.) Now that I've resumed crocheting as a hobby, smaller items are more mobile and my preferred projects. I scoured the web for patterns and learned how to make clothing items previously deemed too difficult. As word spread, donations of yarn started coming in. I have a shoe box full of patterns and a large tote full of yarn. Very little thrills my soul like a cold, dark winter evening at home with a ball of yarn and a hook.   

I always thought I would like to work in NICU. It's been said that when God closes a door, He opens a window. God closed the door to becoming an RN, but the NICU window opened when I started taking boxes of little items to NICU babies. I love wondering about the precious tiny lives that will wear my outfits or be wrapped in my blankets. The sad truth is that some of them will become burial gowns or keepsake blankets, but others will be joyous going-home outfits. I'm so glad my stress-reliever can benefit someone else in a stressful season of their life.  

On Weighty Matters

   With New Years resolutions weighing on folk's consciousness, and losing weight being the infamous top resolution, it seems the time of year to 'weigh in' on the topic.

I do not profess to speak for the entire non-dieter population; maybe my views are not representative of the majority of thin people. As referred to in a previous post, we sometimes do & say hurtful things simply because we don't know how it feels to someone in shoes different from our own. Thus I bring up the subject as food for thought. (Pun intended, no calories involved.)

We teach our children not to stare, point or make rude remarks about fat people. But how well do we do with the other end of the spectrum? Why is it socially acceptable for adults to make rude remarks directly to [naturally] thin people? 

Here are the facts- I am naturally thin. I am able to eat whatever I want and not worry about the numbers on the scales. Save your jealousy for worthy causes; I did not choose to be this way. I didn't wake up one morning and say "I think I'll amp up my metabolism so I can eat whatever I want." It's genetics, a God-given gift. Yes, a gift, but it does have it's down-sides. I don't consider it a compliment to be called skinny because it is usually said in a snide tone. And I've heard it over & over. I don't like being told I eat like a bird; that's rude and it puts on pressure to gorge myself for the sake of appearances. I eat until I feel full; why isn't that enough? It isn't exactly a novelty to treated like an outsider when the frequently-discussed subject of weight/dieting comes up, like it's an exclusive club that I can never be a member of. I get tired of trying to figure out whether to excuse myself from the conversation, try to empathise with the dieters, or just smile sweetly while gritting my teeth over yet another barb about my weight.  

In a previous stage of my life, I was contemplating starting my own exclusive club. I hadn't settled on a name for it, but membership was going to be limited to those of us women who do not put on large amounts of weight during pregnancy and pop right back to our pre-pregnancy size afterwards. It might come as a shock to you, if you are among the female population who considers/considered yourself as "big as a barn" during late pregnancy, but we "little women" are/were miserable, too. I hold firmly to the belief that we are/were every bit as miserable as larger women. Take into consideration that we have no extra padding to cushion us from the baby's jabs & punches. (Seriously, I had a bruised intestine with one of my babies.) Believe it or not, a small bulge out the front upsets the center of gravity more than a well-rounded weight gain, thus creating significant backache. When you have a "little basketball" sticking out the front [how I hated that term!], everyone feels entitled to pat it and make remarks about how cute it is while extending absolutely none of the sympathy heaped upon larger women. I was miserable and I've got the stretch marks to prove it! :)  

My point? I didn't choose to be thin any more than tall people chose to be tall. I do not view heavier people as sloppy fat or disgusting. In fact, it's more likely I think you should relax and enjoy life- don't be preoccupied with the numbers. Sometimes people moaning about their weight really don't have as many extra pounds to shed as they seem to think. It's my opinion that moms with a little extra padding are comfortable moms. I ask you- what child wants to snuggle up to a bony mom? (If you have young children or grandchildren, remember that the next time you step on the scales!) I would be happy to put on a few pounds if I could, but since I can't, and neither can I take the extras I've been offered, I suggest we all be happy with who God made us to be. I really don't think there will be an extra gem in my crown for being under-weight, but we can lay up treasures by being kind and sensitive to each other.