Uncertainties

I've got some heavy things on my mind:
*desperately praying for a job for JR. In order to drop out of school he needs an Age & Schooling certificate; in order to get one he has to have a signed paper from his employer- which requires a job, of course. We couldn't get him a job earlier this summer because he is a minor until the 29th and prohibited from a number of occupations accessible to him. With the economy, people are not hiring right now. We are supposed to notify the school district by Friday one way or the other. If we end up having to do school, I'd like him to study for a GED but uncertain whether that will be acceptable to the school district.

*a b-day gift for him. He is not a fun one to shop for. He can't stand suspense (a side effect of one of his disorders) so it's like he has to know what he is getting, which takes all the fun out of it. He wants an iPod but we don't agree on the dollar amount or some ground rules for using it.

*with the milestone 16th b-day comes joining the youth group. These social transitions have never been easy for him. It can be hard enough to break onto the social scene without his challenges/social clumsiness. So much potential for rejection. My heart quakes; I would prefer to protect *myself* from more pain & rejection.

*a source of contention is his driver's license. In our state he could have gotten a permit 6 months ago, but we have not allowed him to get one. We set forth a requirement he must meet first, thinking he will care enough about driving to reach the goal quickly. That hasn't happened so it has become a large issue we hadn't expected. I never imagined in my teens how a parent's heart can ache for a child at the same time one remains firm with him/her.

*our very fertile cat had yet another batch of kittens Sunday. She's a little early this cycle (she faithfully produces a litter every spring & fall); we haven't even gotten rid of the last batch yet. This puts us somewhere around 40 kittens to find other homes for in the last 3 years. She is such a good mouser that we hesitated to get rid of her but she must go now because we [R. & I] are sick of kittens. You might ask why we haven't gotten her spayed; with our luck, we're convinced if we'd spend that much money on a cat she'd be sure to get herself killed shortly thereafter. Her 'son' from a couple litters ago surprised us with a litter a couple months back. Arrgghhh! For some reason we never managed to decrease the population by driving over any- the #1 reason people refuse to take one (past trauma, you know). I find it upsetting that people who refuse to take any of our kittens shortly thereafter accept kittens from someone else. Too bad daddy cat doesn't have an owner (who assumes responsibility for at least 50% of each litter.) ha. If you could use a mouse patrol or simply have a soft spot for kittens, let us know quickly because we are going to have all cats, save 1 male, removed from the premises directly.

*last week JR was mowing at the warehouse. If you're familiar with our location you know there is a very steep bank beside the warehouse. It's risky business if one isn't careful; we were concerned. He made a wrong turn... and rolled the mower. Fortunately he was able to jump clear; was sore but unhurt. The mower sustained only minor cosmetic damage. I cannot dwell on what could have happened.

*school starts on the 25th for JS & A. A few days ago it hit me what that means. I am so not ready to get back into that! I dread Bible Memory every year (JS is up to 8 verse per week and A. to 6 now). I hate packing lunches. I dislike having to get up earlier. I'm not fond of helping with homework questions in curriculum I don't like. Homeschooling them looks more & more appealing. :)

*i really struggled last week with feeling lonely. Feeling like we could drop off the face of the earth and the people around us would hardly pause in their busy schedules to notice. Feeling excluded from things. Completely puzzled why -what makes us so 'un-fun' to be with- what character flaw or ?? to work on. I'm not looking to be the life-of-the-party type, but feeling cared about would be nice.

There you have it. I don't know whether to thank you for bearing with me to the end or wishing you would have quit reading several paragraphs ago. :) Today I feel brave enough to be vulnerable with it. Tomorrow I probably won't.

For all our Hillcrest friends-
Quote of the day: "You guys were goofy back then." -A. (looking at Hillcrest pics)
[Thank you for that vote of confidence, my dear! So glad you think we're old & stodgy now.]